


Faceless

by TheDevilWithin3



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bi-Gender Character(s), Family Issues, Gay Alexander Hamilton, Gay John Laurens, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDevilWithin3/pseuds/TheDevilWithin3
Summary: John Laurens has gone through some rough times. With his mother being sick and his family being distant, it's not easy. After John's father dies, he tries to work his pain away by being a straight A student. It works for a while until Alexander Hamilton, a new student searching for a way to cope with his past, finds John and confronts him about the Laurens family.Can the two finally move past their haunting nightmares with the help of their friends, or will John's family get in the way of everything like always?!! NOT FINISHED, WORK IN PROGRESS !!
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Comments: 13
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter One

John Laurens sat at the table in the coffee shop, quietly sipping his drink. Lafayette and Burr would be there any minute now. He’s about to order another coffee when the shop door opens, ringing the bell. There enters his tall, French friend and the grumps. 

“Lafayette,” John greets as he stands, hugging the man. Lafayette returns the gesture and smiles, then turns to Burr. 

“Ay, sorry for being late, mon amie, Burr had a bit of a problem deciding to come or not,” he says as an excuse for being late. Burr rolls his eyes and shakes hands with John. 

“Whatever makes the French happy,” he mutters, winking at John. 

“Well, I was just about to order another drink, how about you two get situated while I buy?” Both the friends cheer in agreement, listing off their favorite drink. 

“Merci,” Lafayette thanks, sitting down at John’s table. Burr nods in thanks, dragging a chair over. 

Laurens smiles and takes out his wallet, “Anything for the boys.” 

John makes his way across the coffee shop when he notices a man in line. He seems familiar but he can’t quite place who it is. He stands in line just a foot behind the stranger when the stranger turns around and smiles. 

“You must be John Laurens!” he exclaims, holding his hand out. “I’ve heard so much about you. An accelerated student I’ve heard.” John blushed at the compliment and shakes the hand. 

“Just trying to get through school,” he replies. “How do you know who I am?” 

“Oh I know people who know people. Don’t worry, all good things,” the stranger answers, turning to look at the menu. “What do you recommend?” 

Laurens smiles. “Anything with caffeine.” That gets the stranger to laugh as he pulls out his money. 

“They left out the sense of humor in you,” he says as he orders his drink, black coffee. “Can I buy you anything?” 

John thinks for a moment before shaking his head. “That sounds amazing, but I’m buying for some friends of mine.” The other man nods as he hands his money to the cashier, receiving the change. 

“Fair enough.” He’s about to walk away when John grabs him by the arm, sending the cashier an apologetic look. 

“Before you leave,” John starts, “Who are you?” 

The stranger grins a little and points over to where Lafayette and Burr are sitting, watching the encounterment.

“You order, I’ll be waiting with your friends.” 

After John gets all of the coffee orders he quickly makes his way over to the table, settling down all the drinks, then sitting himself. Lafayette stayed in the same spot while Burr had moved over for the stranger who was now joining them at the table. 

“As much as I enjoy company other than my troublesome friends, who are you?” Burr asked, deciding now was a good time to ask questions. The stranger nods. 

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience,” he starts. “My name is Alexander Hamilton.” He’s about to say more when John snorts, spitting out his coffee. No one says anything, making the silence awkward. 

“Is something funny?” Alexander asked, raising an eyebrow. John shakes his head then laughs a little more.

“No, not at all,” John smirks. “Just, your name, Hamilton. Sounds quite like a pig,” he observes. Burr chuckles at that and Lafayette opens his mouth. 

“Let the young monsieur Hamilton speak,” Lafayette demands, finishing the rest of his drink. Alexander nods in thanks and glares at John. 

“Thank you, French man,” he says, widening his eyes. “Sorry, just now realized this, who are you guys?” Alexander gestures to John’s two friends, who are glancing at each other. It’s Burr who speaks first. 

“Sorry. Aaron Burr.”  
“Sir,” Alexander greets, “Honor to meet you.” 

“My name is Lafayette, pour toujours dans ta dette (forever in your debt),” Lafayette says absentmindedly, not expecting anyone to know what he had said. 

“Dans votre dette? Quelle chance (Forever in your debt? How lucky),” Alexander replies, winking. 

“You speak french?” John questions, widening his eyes. “Great, one more French lunatic.” Burr nods and sips his drink. Alexander continues to glare at John. 

“People spoke highly of you,” he says. “So far I’ve only seen shit.” That gets John to quickly stand up and slam his hands on the table, causing everyone in the cafe to stare at the group. 

“No one invited you to see the shitshow!” John retorts back, his eyes digging like daggers. Burr and Lafayette slowly stand up and stare at Alexander, who still had a smug look on his face. 

“Why are you here?” Burr asks, not liking how the man was aggravating his friend. 

Alexander blinks and turns his attention to Burr. He takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the way everyone is looking at him. “I was trying to make new amends, clearly it isn’t working out.” Burr rolls his eyes. 

“What isn’t working? Angering your fellow townspeople?” he snorts. Lafayette hesitates on which side to take. John was known for losing his temper easily, but it had been a long time since the last incident. 

“Ja pense (I think), we should all calm down,” Lafayette settles, looking between Alexander and John, then at Burr who nods. 

“Alexander, you clearly know a lot about John, but feeding into the fire with an audience won’t help anyone,” Burr says. “We were going to go to our dorm after, care to join?”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy! I already had some chapters premade, so hopefully this will get you guys interested a bit more until my story really hits off.

“Quels amis avez-vous qui connaissent John (What friends do you have that know John)?” Lafayette asks in french. Alexander shrugs and looks to Burr and John, who are now sitting on the couch glaring at him.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your answers,” he assures the French man. “I have my own bone to pick first.” Alexander then stands up and walks over to Burr and John, who upon seeing the movement, stand as well.

“What now?” Burr asks, boredom laced in his voice.

“Your friend, John Laurens, has a couple issues with my family,” Alexander answers, crossing his arms. “He owes them money, in which I was ordered to retrieve.” Burr and Lafayette look shocked, then quickly recover.

“We’re known John our whole lives, never once has the name ‘Hamilton’ showed up,” Burr says, emphasizing Alexander’s last name.

“Especially since the whole story is a lie,” John adds, stabbing his finger into Alexander’s chest. “I’ve searched you up in the time you’ve told us your name and now. I know your past.” Lafayette notices the strain in his friend’s voice. He had discovered something bad.

“Do you want me to tell all my friends? Or do you want to leave now?” John threatened. Alexander shifted, he had to be lying, right? No way he found out.

“Do it,” Alexander responds, “Let them hear you lie.”

“Okay,” John smiles, catching a glance from Lafayette and Aaron. “So the family that I owe, they don’t actually exist. Your father left your whore of a wife. Then both you and your mother got sick, only your mother went quick.” Lafayette noticed the flicker that went out in Alexander’s eyes. John was telling the truth, and exposing the other man to his past.

“John,” Lafayette tried, but Aaaron stopped him by grabbing him by the arm and pointing to Laurens. Their friend had tears streaming down his face, only noticed by the two of them, Alexander looking down the whole time.

“I should go,” the young man mumbled, finally looking up. He too saw the tears in John’s eyes, he knew why.

“No,” Aaron intervened, putting his hand on Alexander’s chest. “We need to settle this.” His voice wasn’t demanding or threatening, he just wanted everyone to leave with a clean plate.

“Est ce que ça va (Are you okay)?” Lafayette asked John. Even though he couldn’t understand him the man knew what he was asking. He wiped his eyes and took a breath.  
“I’m fine,” he sniffed, hating how his voice betrayed his words. “Alexander, can we have a word alone?”

Alexander hesitated. He didn’t want to make things any worse, but by denying wouldn’t he be? He turned to Lafayette and Aaron who stared back with blank eyes. It was clear they didn’t want to leave their friend, but they wanted him to have the right of speech alone.

“Of course, Sir,” Alexander replied eventually. John wiped his tears once more before leading the man into a separate room, closing the door behind them.

“I don’t know why you would lie about the money,” John started. He could feel his blood rising, but he managed to keep it at bay. “But for whatever the reason, let’s forget it.” Alexander couldn’t believe it. Maybe the rumors of John really were true to their words.

“I’m sorry, Laurens,” Alexander said, wringing his hands. He really didn’t take serious conversations well. He finally looked up to see John’s face peering at him, his eyes still sparkling from the tears. His freckles popped out of his face like stars in the sky. The ladies were right, John Laurens was a handsome man.

“I knew about you before today, I just couldn’t remember the name,” John said, noticing how Alexander wasn’t going to finish. “When you told us who you were it clicked. I’d read about you a few weeks ago. ‘The brave man who flourished without a family,’ then I thought, why would a comfy man be asking me for money?” John raised his eyebrow, expecting an answer to the rhetorical question.

“Ever since I got into town all people would talk about was you, I didn’t understand the big fuss. You were an excellent student, so what? Then I found out more…” Alexander stopped to look back at John who had fresh tears in his eyes. He did get really emotional about this stuff, that part was true. “I can stop…”

“What can you say that I don’t know?” John responded, his voice bitter. The young man’s eyes were watering, silent tears slipping down his cheek. He turned around so Alex couldn’t see him cry.

“Your father, Henry Laurens, he was a great person, John, why are you ashamed of that?” John froze. His father, a great person? That’s when he realized, Alexander didn’t know anything. He was just saying the things he’d learn from rumors, from lies.

“You’re right, Alexander,” John said, his voice rough but steady. “I don’t know why either. Whatever the reason, why would you try to have my family give money to you?”

Alex stayed quiet. He didn’t really need money, he just wanted an excuse to talk to John, someone who had gone through the same thing as him. “You know about my parents, correct?”

“Yes…”

“My mother was perfect, she would tell me everything about my father after he left, about how he truly loved us but couldn’t handle the stress. She was my everything, when she died…” Alexander sniffled, he rubbed his eyes and looked up at John who was looking at him with sympathy, but something else was in his eyes, what was it, regret? “You lost your parents as well.” John stiffened. “I thought, maybe, we could talk about it? Us exchanging stories of our family, of how great people thought they were.”

Alex noticed how John somehow stiffened even more at that thought, and regretted even mentioning it, but it was too late. “You came to me, so we could reminisce of our parents’ deaths?”

Alexander nodded sheepishly, it was a bad idea now that he heard it out loud, or just by the way John was phrasing it. “Yes?”

John shook his head and cleared his throat, “Don’t you have any other friends that can take pity on you?” Alex was shocked, that was not the response he was expecting. How could one change from a delicate flower to a savage wolf?

Even though the question was stated for it to be un-answered, Alex answered it with pride.

“In fact I do,” he said with a grin, even though it was forced. “His name is Hercules Mulligan. In fact, I texted him the address and he’s coming over any minute now.”

John rolled his eyes at that and stood to leave the room. “This talk is finished, we’re going back out to the living room.”

When the two boys joined John’s other friends, they noticed that someone else was there. He was a tall, black man with very broad shoulders, a headband wrapped around his head.

“I take it you’re Hercules,” John said, nodding at the man. He looked confused for a moment before nodding his head.

“Oui, now that that’s finished. Are you alright?” Lafayette asked again, putting his hand on John’s shoulder, who surprising shrugged it off aggressively.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, sending a glare to Alex who was hugging Hercules. “Alexander, Hercules, I think you two should leave.”

“Now wait a minute,” Hercules interrupted. “I want to know why my man’s eyes are puffy and red from crying, and why the hell he’s in a random dorm.” Aaron decided now was a good time to step in, it seemed that he was the only one with a brain.

“Hercules, was it?” he asked the taller man, who nodded, concern filled his eyes. “Come with me, some people need to calm down and I think I’m the most rational person to explain what’s been happening.” Lafayette almost protested, but remembered that he was not quite well with English words, so he just sent Burr a playful glare, then turned his attention back to John.

“Alright,” Hercules agreed. He followed Burr into the room to where John and Alex once was, speaking their hearts out. “What’s happening?”

Burr shifted on the seat that he sat in. “Your friend, Alexander Hamilton, has caused quite a stir to our day.” Hercules almost laughed.

“It wouldn’t be a normal day if he hadn’t.” Both men chuckled at that. “But what’d he do?” Hercules asked in a serious tone. Burr sighed.

“He came into the coffee shop where Lafayette, John, and I were hanging, when he bumped into John, claiming that he knew him. Everything was going well until John, being his playful self, laughed at Hamilton’s last name, claiming it sounded like a pig.”

“I’ve mentioned that,” Hercules stated, a hint of pride in his voice. Noticing Aaron glare at him he silenced and motioned for him to continue.

“To make matters short, he reacted and they got angry at each other. Lafayette and I suggested we come here to talk without an audience, not to feed into the fire that was becoming the fued.” Aaron rubbed his eyes and yawned, tired of how much trouble his friends seemed to get into.

“Did they settle it?” Hercules asked, fearing the answer. Burr just shrugged.

“I don’t know, John revealed some shocking things about Alexander when they got back, and then demanded to have a private conversation with Alex alone in this very room. They’d just gotten back out when you arrived, John seeming even more troubled than before.”

Hercules rolled his eyes at Alexander’s cockiness. That man was something.

“Alright, so it sounds like Alexander just wanted someone to confer with,” he concluded, much to Aaron’s surprise.

“How so?”

“Well, Laurens here is a very rich man with family problems, as is Alexander, beside the rich part. Me knowing him, he wanted to talk to someone that felt what he was going through, understand?” Aaron did, but he scowled at the mention of John’s family.

“I do, but don’t ever mention the Laurens’ Family in front of John, unless you want to get punched in the face,” he advised Hercules who just nodded, turning a bit pale.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking down to the floor. The two men stood there for a few minutes before hearing screaming coming from the living room, followed by the sound of something clashing with the ground.

“Uh…” Hercules stared at Aaron with wide eyes before yanking the door open and sprinting to where they had left their other three friends. Aaron followed suit.

The two found themselves with the scene of Lafayette lying on the ground, Alexander beside him. Neither of them looked hurt, just dazed and a bit concerned. John was nowhere in sight.

“Where’s John?” Aaron demanded, helping Lafayette up, who then gave a glare at Alexander. Burr was surprised by this act, knowing that Laf was a very kind person.

Hercules instead helped his friend, who then accusingly pointed his finger at Lafayette who did the exact same thing, fury clear in their eyes.

“That little shit, nearly killed us!” Alexander exclaimed, threatening walking closer, only to be pulled back by Hercules gripping his arm.

“Moi la merde? Ce connard vient de faire maltraiter John par Charlie! (Me the shit? This motherfucker here just made John get abused by Charlie!)” Lafayette exclaimed angrily, then desperately turning to Aaron who was holding him by the arm. “We have to help him!”

Aaron’s eyes widened, he didn’t understand french but he knew what was going on when John and Charlie name was mentioned together.

“Where did he go?” he asked his distressed friend, who just started mumbling in French.

“What the hell is going on?” Hercules shouted, gently pushing Alex to the side and grabbing Laf’s hand, who immediately stilled and turned to look at him.

“Charlie,” Aaron intervened, “is John’s brother. His shitty brother who’s just as bad as his father was.” The room went silent. Lafayette punched Burr’s frame hard and turned to Alex and Hercules who were just staring with wide eyes.

“S'il vous plaît (please), stay here. Get some tea running and food, we’ll need it. Then get a pair of sweats from Aaron’s room, don’t touch anything else.” Lafayette thought for a moment before directly turning to Alex who cowered. “Tu ne dis rien à John quand il sera là, si tu le fais, tu es mort (You say nothing to John when he gets here, if you do, you're dead).” Alex frantically nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This is the part when it barely mentions rape at the very end.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lafayette asked one more time, trying to get through to John, who was sitting on the couch, glaring at Alexander.

“I’m fucking great, Laf,” he answered, then covered his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Alex looked to Lafayette who didn’t make any motion to comfort his friend. Why?

“Tu ne vas rien faire (Aren't you going to do anything)?” Alex asked quietly. He was standing next to the couch, close enough to reach over and hug John. But he didn’t, he didn’t want to get punched or yelled at.

“Non, j'ai l'habitude. Laisse-le pleurer (No, I'm used to this. Just let him cry it out),” Lafayette replied, taking out his phone. “Say, what is the time, little John?” Alex tried not to laugh at what John had just been called. It wasn’t hard, considering two people who could easily beat him up were in the room.

Lafayette didn’t receive an answer. “Your sister will be calling soon,” he mentioned when he didn’t get a reply. Alex saw how John flinched at the mention of his sister but then relaxed. He wiped his tears and looked up, then also pulled out his phone.

“How wonderful,” he muttered darkly. Then he was on the phone with someone.

“Jacky, are you okay?” Martha, John’s sister, asked. He sighed and rubbed his face, then excused himself to outside the dorm. When he had successfully left his friends, he responded.

“Honestly, Martha, no, I’m not.”

Martha sighed at that. “Are you ever okay?” John laughed at that. No, he really wasn’t. “Really though, try to reach out to your friends, they’re worried. Just ten minutes ago Laf texted me saying how you nearly knocked someone out today.”

“He’s over exaggerating, just some dumbass who mentioned Henry Laurens.” John said his father’s name like he was a stranger, like it wasn’t his father.

“He doesn’t know,” Martha defended, and from the voice, worry laced in her statement.

“No one does,” John shot back, leaning his back against the hallway walls and sliding down so he was now crumpled against a wall, this close from shutting down.

“You’re so close, Jack, just a little more and you’re home free. I can visit you in three weeks during your break, I can bring waffles and pictures of turtles,” John laughed at his sister. She was the only one in his family that loved him. He was about to respond when he heard some drunk callings coming up the stairs.

“Sorry, sis, there’s some drunk students coming my way, I’m gonna go silent, feel free to listen to what it’s really like in college,” John said jokingly, he didn’t wait for Martha to reply. He stuck his phone in his pocket without turning the call off and stood up, straightening his clothes.

“It was pretty nice, man,” a deep voice called. It sounded familiar, but John couldn’t place who it was.

“Yesh, we should go back to my room and…” The sentence was left unfinished, and the voices didn’t come any closer. But John knew who it was. It was Jefferson and Madison, and considering that all talking had stopped, they were making out on the stairs. John rolled his eyes. He completely supports gays, lesbians, bi people, anyone, but it was his family views that made him a bit confused. He learned that it’s fine to be different, as long as you didn’t spread your fairy dust around to all the normal people. That was what he was taught, it doesn’t mean he supports it.

“What’re you fags doing here?” another voice interjected. John heard someone cry in protest, then be shoved on the stairs. He walked closer to the stairs and peered down to see Madison on the floor, clutching his nose that seemed to be bleeding.

“Leave him alone!” Jefferson demanded. He stood up fully and still wasn’t taller than the newcomer, and Thomas Jefferson was a tall fucking person. The new person raised his fist and punched Jefferson straight in the jaw, causing the tall student to crumple to the ground.

“Hey!” John didn’t know why he did it, he didn’t know why he even cared about the jerks, but he did it. He screamed at the person who had just beat up two people because they were gay. Again, he doesn’t know why he did.

The person stopped beating on Jefferson and immediately bolted up the stairs, face to face with John, who cowered at 5’9. The person in front of him must’ve at least been 6’3.

“What’d you say you fucking faggot?” he grumbled, his voice laced with anger and threats. John gulped and looked up to see the person’s face, that’s when he stumbled backwards and fell on his back. There was Charlie Laurens, his big brother.  
“Ch-Charlie?” John stuttered, eyes widening. Now his homophobic brother had at least a 3 foot height advantage.

“Well if it isn’t my little fag brother, Jack. What brings you here?” Charlie mocked, standing boldly and glaring at his younger brother.

“You know I go to school here,” John said timidly, raising his arms in habit, praying that Charlie wouldn’t do anything. “Wh-What're you doing here?”

The older Laurens laughed and kneeled down to his brother, who stayed exactly on the ground. “Mom wanted me to come see you,” he explained, his words softening at the mention of their mother.

“Is she alright?” John asked quickly, fearing that his mom had gotten worse. Charle’s voice hardened.

“Yes, she’s completely fine. But you would know that if you called. But you’re too much of a fucking wimp to do so, so she sends me, her little water boy to check in on the fag,” Charlie spat. He stood up and slammed his foot on top of John’s ankle, causing the younger boy to cry in pain. He bit his lip to stop making and further noise. Lafayette was right near him, he would come out at any sign of danger.

“Charlie,” John breathed out, wincing as his brother relieved his leg of the pressure. “Laf and Aaron are in the dorm, they’ll hear you,” he warned. He didn’t know why he tried to protect his family, it wasn’t like they would do the same for him, but he did.

Charlie just laughed more and yanked John to his feet, despite the younger Laurens whimpering from the support of his ankle. “You think I give a fuck? They won’t love you once they realize you’re a fag,” Charlie whispered in John’s ear.

“I’m not gay,” Johns retaliated, “we’ve gone over this.”

“I don’t think we have.” Charlie was above to slam John against the wall when a door opened, revealing an angry Lafayette and a confused Alexander, who was still shocked from the scene.

“Charlie!” Laf exclaimed. “Please, put John down.” Charlie growled at Lafayette’s plea and slammed John on the floor again, making Alex flinch by the crack that was heard throughout the four. Something was definitely broken.  
“What’s going on?” Alex asked quietly, his eyes begging Laf to tell him, but the older man just shook his head angrily and stepped closer to Charlie and John’s broken figure.

“You’ll get arrested,” Laf stated. “If you leave we won’t call the police.” Charlie weighed his options. He could go to jail for the night and then be released by his family and have his record cleared with the money they had, with his brother in the hospital, hopefully dead soon. Or, he could leave now with John barely having a scratch on him. Which one seemed more fun?

“How abo-”

“Put him the fuck down!” Alexander had managed to find his voice, and he was trying to help, but he really didn’t.

Charlie’s head snapped to Alex, who immediately flinched under the stare. “What?”

“I-Put him down, now,” Alex repeated, with less fire.

“No,” Charlie said simply, as if it was perfectly fine that he was trying to murder his little brother.

“Please, Charlie,” Laf begged. “You’ve already landed him in the hospital once, don’t do it again.” Alexander’s heart rate increased. John had been in the hospital before from this man?

“Hey,” Alex spoke again, “Y-Charlie, right? Look, you’re not doing anyone else any good. So just put John down and leave us the fuck alone. He’s already going through a lot with his father a-”

“Alexander!” Lafayette’s voice stopped Alex immediately. “This, is Charlie Laurens, John’s fucking brother.”

Charlie scoffed at how pathetic this arrangement was going. “Okay, Laf, you’re not going to be able to convince me to put my faggot brother down,” Alex noticed how Lafayette flinched at the name calling. “So just shut up, and let me deal with him.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said suddenly. “About your father. I know you’re both probably struggling, and how this loss is hard for both of yo-”

Alex was once again stopped by Lafayette, but instead Lafayette had slapped him so hard that he nearly fell over.

“Shut up, Alexander.” Laf’s voice was laced with venom. Alex and him made eye contact for a second before looking back up to find Charlie and John gone.

The next few minutes were a blur for Alexander. Lafayette had shoved him so hard that the door to their dorm had slammed and they were both on the floor fighting.

“Alexander, why would you do that?” Hercules muttered to his friend, who was rubbing his shoulder.

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Alex insisted. He’d tried to help, why was everyone upset? Hercules shook his head and motioned to the door of which Aaron and Lafayette had recently left through.

“Even I know about the Laurens’ Family, it’s bad,” Hercules explained. “Henry Laurens was a very bad father.” Alex nodded. He’d figured by now.

“Why didn’t the news know about this? Why didn’t I?” Alex asked.

“Because you just look at the news, the facts. You don’t look at people’s comments or their own stories. Multiple people from South Carolina had horrible experiences with that family based on their sexuality. Everyone related to John Laurens and his sister because they supported the LBGTQ Community,” Hercules said, pride flashing through his eyes.

“That is very important when their father is known for being a homophobic person,” Alex admitted.

“If you knew he was homophobic then why would he be a good person, Alex?” Hercules asked his friend. Alex thought for a moment.

“I don’t know…” he said finally. “Why do John and his sister support the community?” Hercules sighed and rubbed his eyes. This would be a long story.

“Martha is his sister’s name. There was a rumor that started when John was very young. It got on the news that Henry Laurens’ son was gay, that he’d made out with a man. People had photos and videos of it. The poor kid had gotten set up,” Hercules said sadly, remembering reading the articles and statements that Henry Laurens had made.

“How could someone get set up?” Alex asked. “I mean, if he was making out with a man then wouldn’t he be gay?” Hercules cringed. For someone as smart as his friend he didn’t pay nearly enough attention to the news as some would expect

“Alexander,” Hercules said quietly. “John was raped.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! A new update. I wouldn't expect a new chapter every night, but you never know... 
> 
> So this chapter is featuring the Schuyler sisters!! SPOILER: THEY ALL SUPPORT THE LBGTQ COMMUNITY.

“I really don’t like that Alexander kid,” Aaron stated as him and Lafayette walked through the school campus. People knew who Charlie Laurens were, and since John was pretty popular and likable, people would help.

Lafayette nodded his head and asked a passing girl if she’d seen John or Charlie. She hadn’t.

“I hope John is okay,” Aaron said again. He looked over to his friend for confirmation. He’d seen John before he was taken.

“When I saw him,” Lafayette said quietly, “he had a broken ankle. I’m sure that one of his ribs were cracked.” Aaron shook his head in pity. He’d never gotten as close to John as Lafayette had, but he was trying. The two boys continued to walk until they saw three girls sitting at a picnic table, all wearing some sort of pride clothing. The Schuyler sisters. The Schuyler family was very close with the Laurens, both being very wealthy families. Aaron followed Lafayette as his French friend greeted them.

“Salutations, jeunes madames (Greetings, young madams),” Lafayette smiled. Aaron mentally rolled his eyes. It was always a way to charm newcomers. Even though John’s family knew the Schuylers, John himself didn’t know the daughters.

“Hey,” the girl with brown hair piped. She was wearing a blue shirt with jeans, a pride necklace hanging from her neck.

“Hi!” another one of the sisters exclaimed. She had darker skin color and curly hair. She was wearing a nice yellow dress with a pride flag printed on the back. The third sister, who probably was the oldest, didn’t say anything. Just gave the boys a glare.

“Hello,” Aaron said, eyeing the older sister. “My name is Aaron Burr, this is my friend Lafayette.” The first girl nodded.

“We’ve heard. Friends with John Laurens,” she filled in, her smile fading. The second sister looked down, a blush creeping up on her cheeks.

“What do you boys want?” the oldest sister finally asked. She was wearing a pink shirt-sleeve shirt with a black, long skirt. She had darker skin color than the younger of the sisters, her hair curly as well. Lafayette cleared his throat.

“My friend and I wanted to know if you’ve seen the Monsieur John Laurens,” he explained, shifting a little. This conversation wasn’t awkward at all.  
“No, we haven’t,” the second youngest/oldest sister said with a frown. “Sorry, my name is Eliza Schuyler.”

“Peggy Schuyler.”

“Angelica Schuyler.”

The five students stayed still, watching each other. Aaron elbowed Lafayette gently and gestured for them to leave.

“Ah, very well…” Lafayette said slowly, his eyes drifting to the ground. “Nous serons (We will be)... We can leave now.” Aaron nodded and smiled a little to the sisters, before starting to walk away.

“Wait!” one of the girls called out. It had been Peggy. Lafayette turned to her and Aaron shifted his gaze. “I don’t normally go to the balls with my sisters, so I don’t know what John Laurens looks like exactly. But before I met my sisters here, I saw two boys, one much taller than the other, fumbling to get inside of a car. The shorter one seemed a bit drunk…” Lafayette grinned and Aaron perked up. That was them.

“Oui!” Lafayette exclaimed. “That will be him.”

“Who was the boy with him? They sorta looked alike,” Eliza observed. Aaron winced.

“His brother… Say, Peggy, where did the car go?” Aaron asked, avoiding to answer any more questions. Peggy shook her head sadly.

“Sorry, I was in a hurry.”

“It is alright, thank you,” Lafayette replied, his smile dimmed a little. “We will now be on our way to find out friend, merci.” With that, the two boys rushed away to find John.

Angelica watched them as the two wandered off, obviously in distress. Eliza followed her gaze then fiddled with her shirt.

“I wonder why they were looking for John Laurens,” she mumbled quietly. Peggy grabbed her sister’s arm lightly.

“Maybe he’s having issues with his family again. You know, the same old crap with his homophobic dad.”

“Peggy, his dead died, remember?” Angelica interrupted. Peggy scoffed.

“Gee, I know that, Angelica. I’m just saying, legacy still moves on after one’s death.” Eliza hummed in agreement.

“They both seemed worried. Like… really worried,” Eliza observed again. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail then released it. “Maybe we should help them. School’s out for the rest of the week. What else are we going to do?” Angelica nearly choked on how stupid the idea was.

“Eliza! No way!” Angelica instisted. “Did you hear them? John Laurens’ brother is involved, Charlie Laurens. He’s just as bad as his father was.” The three went silent. The Schuyler family knew how bad Henry Laurens was. Phillip Schuyler, their father, always pitied John and his siblings when they had to go to meetings.

Eliza sighed. “I know I’m just getting into all this realism stuff since I normally only look at politics, but John Laurens seemed like a cool dude. His friends do too. We need to help.” Peggy blushed furthermore when Eliza said John was a “cool dude.”

“I think Angelica’s right,” Peggy concluded with a whisper. “We shouldn’t interfere with the Laurens family. It never works out well with anyone. The court with get involved and with their money, they can cover anything up.” Angelica nodded, thinking the conversation was over.

“But that was before Henry died,” Eliza argued. Both Angelica and Peggy froze a little, then nodded with consideration. Eliza was right. This was all before Henry had died. John’s father had all the control, now his mother does. But she was ill, how could she help?

“I hate to admit it, Angelica,” Peggy started with a sly grin, “but Eliza may be onto something. John could be a great friend, and his buddies seem trustworthy. Maybe we can get Father to do a little digging ourselves.” Angelica breathed out really loudly and flopped down on the table.

“I cannot believe I’m hearing this. You two want to get involved with Charlie Laurens and his idiot ideas? You two want to help Lafayette and Burr find their friend, who may not even be in trouble anyway?” Angelica ranted. There was no way this was happening. Why were they even considering it? John barely knew them, he probably wouldn’t even want to talk to them once this was all over.

Peggy flushed. “No, we want to stop Charlie Laurens and stand up to his idiotic ideas. We want to become friends with Lafayette and Aaron, along with anyone they’re associated with. We want to make new friends with John Laurens, the kid who’s had it rough.” Eliza nodded with a grin, her sister was great at making points.

Angelica stared at the two again before closing her eyes. Normally she would’ve said no, but that last part really got to her. Ever since the news of John potentially being gay hit the web, the kid’s life had been a living hell. Constantly getting asked on how he could be homo when his family was completely against that. The worst thing was, no one except for some very deep searchers knew the truth about what happened. Only some knew that the John Laurens, son of Henry Laurens, was raped by his ex-best friend, who he’d trusted for five years.

Eliza and Peggy saw what was racing through their sister’s mind. They already knew the answer before Angelica did. When she did know the answer, she raised her head and shot a stern look at her sisters. “... Alright, let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Thank you for clicking on the story and hopefully enjoying it. :D
> 
> Also, I didn't include French translations for the simple "Oui" or "Merci," so I hope you know some French!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group struggles for answers, but they find some people that may be of assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! Been busy with schoolwork and whatnot.

It had been two days since anyone had heard from John Laurens. The Schuyler sisters had also gone missing, but at least they stayed active online. Peggy had the decency to give Lafayette and Burr her and her sisters’ numbers before they went searching for their friend again. That night that John was abducted Lafayette went back to his dorm alone, Burr needing a drink, and kicked Hercules and Alexander out. 

“Burr cannot deal with you do,” Lafayette had explained. “Neither can I.” Hercules gave the man a sad nod before grabbing Alex’s arm and lead them outside the building. The two friends stood outside the entrance of the dorms before heading to the park. What else would they do? Alexander knew he’d messed up. There was no way to fix it if they didn’t want Lafayette or Burr to murder them. 

Alexander slouched against a tree while Hercules pulled out his phone. There was someone he needed to call. 

“Who are you calling?” Alex asked. “Your girlfriend?” Hercules almost scowled at the statement. Alex had known for a couple weeks that Hercules came out as gay, but his friend still didn’t seem to care. The man was wondering if his friend was homophobic, but that couldn’t be. He hated Henry Laurens, he hates republicans. There was no way. 

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Hercules replied snarkily. Alex perked up and stared at his friend, interested. “Angelica Schuyler, she’s my friend and a girl. Met her a couple of days ago. I was thinking she could help us.” 

Hercules had been right. Alex and him met up with Angelica Schuyler and her sister, Eliza Schuyler, later that night. They began to plan. 

“It’s been two days since anyone’s heard from him,” Peggy stated two days later, two days after John had gone missing. Had been kidnapped from his brother. Alexander winced at the thought. It was his fault. 

“Thanks for lighting up the mood,” Eliza shot back, sipping her coffee. The group, which included Alexander, Hercules, Eliza, Peggy, and Angelica, sat in the Schuyler sisters’ dorm. Everyone was at a complete loss. Every time someone had suggested something, another would shoot it down. There was no way they could find John anytime soon. Angelica shook her head and finished up her tea. 

“We can’t just lounge around. We need to do something,” she declared. Hercules scoffed.   
“Okay, it’s all over the news. People are already doing things,” he countered. “Besides, Charlie is a Laurens, he’s rich. He can make the press shut up immediately if he wanted.” Eliza pondered on this, as did Alexander. At the same time the two shot: 

“But he hasn’t!” Both of the students looked at each other and blushed. Hercules raised an eyebrow at his friend. This was new. Angelica did the same to her sister, while Peggy took in the statement. 

“Right… which means he wants someone to find him. Or maybe he’s not worried,” Peggy explained. “Why don’t we just go to South Carolina and visit John’s family?” Everyone in the room cringed at that idea, except for Alex. 

He scrunched his face up. “What’s wrong with that idea? It seems reasonable. I highly doubt that everyone of John’s family is a sociopath,” he put out. Hercules resisted the urge to shove his friend, Angelica beat him to the punch. She lightly slapped him in the arm. 

“Honestly, for someone who’s taking law, you’re pretty dull-minded,” she said. “Hercules has told you about John’s past, how do you think their family took it when they found out their son was gay?” Peggy sunk lower into her seat, which was on a couch. 

“But he’s not gay, he was set up,” Alex said, confusion in his eyes. “That’s what Hercules told me.” 

Eliza nodded and also shook her head. “Well, he hasn’t made it out yet, but people around campus are sure he’s gay, at least bisexual. It’s not like he could say that to the public after his father’s little game.” Angelica grabbed her sister’s hand. 

“That’s exactly why.” 

Alex rolled his eyes. The city wasn’t as great as it was made out in the pamphlets. 

“Okay, fine, we can’t see his family. But they’re his family. Wouldn’t his mother care that her son’s missing? What about his sister?” Alex thought for certain he had them there, but Angelica just cut him off again. 

“Alexander, John’s mother is deathly ill. She doesn’t even know what day it is, let alone that her eldest son went to New York to beat up his brother.” Alex was about to mention his sister, but Angelica shut him out again. “Martha is a great person, from the news. That’s all we know about her. Look, Alex, we don’t know John personally. We came to help because Hercules is our friend and this seems to be your guys’ problem. No one knows John that well.” 

Peggy made a little noise. Everyone turned to her. “I… well, that’s wrong,” she corrected. Angelica’s gaze sharpened as her sister challenged her knowledge. 

“What do you, Pegs?” Eliza asked, using her sister’s nickname. 

“Remember the day that John went missing? Well, stupid question… of course you do, it was only like a couple days ago…” Peggy rambled. She stopped herself and got back on track. “I am trying to hint his friends. Lafayette was it?” Alex’s eyes lit up. 

“And Sir Burr! Of course, they are great friends of John,” he added, ignoring the weird looks the other students gave him at “Sir Burr.” 

“I gave them our numbers, remember?” Peggy grinned. Eliza thought for a moment. 

“But they haven’t texted you, have they?” she clarified. She watched as her sister dulled. It’s not like they could get in contact with them unless they texted first. Angelica sighed, knowing what was being implied. Back at square one. 

Hercules took a deep breath. “Well, Alexander and I might have and might have not been invited to one of their dorms that night,” he offered. Alex shot up from his seat. 

“Of course! I remember their door number, the building. We can just show up!” he exclaimed. He almost ran out the door, but Eliza grabbed him by the arm. 

“There’s no way you and Hercules are going. It’s just going to be me and Peggy,” she stated, sending a side glance to Angelica. But the older sister didn’t care. She knew why she wasn’t going to be coming along. She had to make sure that Alex and Hercules didn’t sneak their way in, and she had to do some research still on the Laurens’ family.

“It’s settled then,” Peggy spoke up, the smile returning to her face. “Eliza and I will go after lunch.” 

Eliza stood in front of the dorm door. Number 420. She refused to laugh out loud. It was humorous, teenage boys choosing such a ridiculous number. Peggy had wanted to go, but she got called into work, the cafe where John had met Alexander. If only the day could be redone. Then perhaps they wouldn’t be in this predicament. Anxiously, Eliza knocked on the door three times. She pulled her hand to her side and brushed her hair back with the other. Now was not the time to be freaking out. The girl could hear voices from the otherside, very distinctively Lafayette’s. She Eliza heard someone at the other side of the door, their hand fumbling on the handle, as if they knew she was there. She stood there for a few seconds, until the fumbling stopped. The door still hadn’t opened. The conversation was much louder this time. She couldn’t recognize the other voice, but she could hear parts of the conversation. They were arguing. Maybe it was Hercules and Lafayette, arguing about if they should answer the door. If they should let Eliza in. 

“Tu ne devrais pas ouvrir la porte (You shouldn’t open the door). Just don’t,” Lafayette’s voice was clearly heard. The person who he was talking to scoffed and started fumbling with the door again, as if they couldn’t seem to understand how it worked. Eliza started to sweat again. This was it. They would open the door, see it was her, and slam it in her face. 

Finally the door creaked open. The light from inside the door shined on Eliza’s nervous face, her eyes sparkling. She blinked once or twice and tried to process who was at the door. It definitely wasn’t Hercules. It was a girl with long, curly hair. The original color looked dark brown, but there were stripes of red dyed into it. The girl’s eyes were hazel, but like beautiful hazel. Like the emerald hazel, but not. It was hard to explain. Her skin was a little bit tan, she was clearly not fully American. That’s not what caught Eliza off guard, after she had escaped the trance she was put in from the girl’s eyes, she noticed the freckles that covered the girl’s cheeks. That’s when she knew she looked familiar. Martha Laurens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, does Eliza have a crush? It hasn't been mentioned or approved yet, but it's clear that the Schuyler sisters support LBGTQ, so I thought it would be fitting to have Eliza be bi. Not sure what to do with the rest of her sisters yet. 
> 
> Also... Martha Laurens. I had to imagine her in my own way since I don't really know what she would look like. So I tried to make her seem sort of like a twin of John. 
> 
> Welp, hope you're enjoying! :D


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to get this chapter out, so excited!

“Mon ami (my friend), who is it?” Lafayette asked from behind Martha Laurens. He was wearing an oversized hoodie that had the words “We all matter” written over the front. The girl gaped a little, recognizing Eliza from her father’s previous speeches. Phillip Schuyler was a very renowned senator, known for being very kind and equal to all.

“I-Its…” Martha stuttered. The girl in front of her was beautiful. Martha’s eyes flickered to the pride necklace that was hanging around Eliza’s neck. Eliza noticed this and self consciously went to put her hand over it. “Oh I wasn’t judging!” Martha exclaimed immediately. She put her hand over her mouth and blushed a little. She moved over so Lafayette could say hello.

“Eliza,” he said, surprised. “What are you doing here, chère (dear)?” Eliza shuffled her feet and kept on glancing at Martha, who had gone back into the dorm.

“Can I come in?” she asked quietly. Lafayette nodded and moved over, letting the girl inside the dorm. Then he closed it and went to sit on the couch next to Martha, who flinched a little. Eliza met her eyes.

“You’re Martha Laurens,” she stated, still looking into the girl’s eyes. Martha nodded sheepishly and looked to Lafayette.

“I think she wanted to talk to you,” she said to him. Lafayette smiled a little and grabbed a cup that was set on the floor, then took a sip.

“So, Schuyler, what brings you to my humble maison (house)?” he asked. Eliza took a breath and started explaining what they had been doing the past few days. They explained how only Lafayette and Aaron knew John, but now that Martha was here it would be a lot easier.

Martha watched the two have a conversation. She kept on staring at the way Eliza’s mouth moved, and how she’d quickly push her hair back only for it to fall back into its place. It was cute. The girl was cute. Martha shook her head slightly, trying to erase the ideas. She was not gay, not even bi. Even though her father was dead, she knew what it would mean for her to even acknowledge the idea. If her brother couldn’t even handle it, how could she?

Lafayette explained to Eliza how Aaron was out looking for John still, claiming that he was just getting a drink or getting stoned. Martha perked up at this.

“He doesn’t do drugs,” she interfered. It was a bold accusation. She hadn't seen her brother in the flesh in three years. He neve went to the funeral, he never visited on the holidays or birthdays. He didn’t visit when their mother landed in the hospital after having a seizure. But Martha couldn’t be mad at him, even though she should’ve been. She knew that if he showed his face in South Carolina he’d be killed, it would look like a suicide. People knew about the rumors, and soon the rumors became the truth. But only Martha knew that. John didn’t even know.

Lafayette stared at the Laurens girl for a few seconds before correcting her. “Of course not, Martha, but Burr just likes to have answers for things he doesn’t understand. We all know John quit months ago.” Martha shook her head.

“No,” she said. “My brother never did drugs. He would’ve told me.” Lafayette again corrected her.

“He did,” he challenged. “I was there for every recovery, every single time he nearly overdosed. Martha, you don't know him like we do.” Eliza stared blankly at Lafayette. He was being awfully blunt about all of this. She didn’t miss how a wave of hurt washed over Martha Laurens before she stood up quietly.

“I know more than you’ll ever know,” she quipped. Lafayette had to refrain himself from raising his voice. He knew that all the Laurens kids had gotten abused as kids. Just because John had gotten the worst of it, didn’t mean his siblings didn’t get any.

“I don’t believe you know what you’re ta-”

“Lafayette,” Eliza interjected quickly. She knew where this would end up. One of them is leaving in tears and the other is feeling guilty. Eliza never met John Laurens, only his father and brother. She’d seen the videos of John getting into verbal fights with his father. Everyone would think they were playing, shaping John to be a real business man. No one else saw the way John flinched every time someone tried to pull him back. No one saw how John was on the verge of crying, trying to cover it up by screaming and dishing out insults. No one saw the bruises that lurked beneath his perfect smile and preppy clothes.

Eliza didn’t notice when she’d started crying. She only knew that the smell of lavender perfume was entering her nose and she was loving it. She wiped her eyes and Martha Laurens was hugging her.

“I want him back,” Martha cried from the embrace. She was bawling, underneath all the confident makeup and pink dress, she was only just a girl.

Harsh knocks echoed through the almost silent dorm. They continued for a few moments until they stopped. Lafayette got up and was slowly approaching the door. Martha had sat down next to Eliza and was holding her hand tightly. Lafayette knew it wasn’t Aaron, he would’ve knocked. He looked through the peephole and was surprised to see Mr. Washington along with Hercules. What?

Lafayette opened the door and silently greeted the two. No one said anything. The two newcomers were let into the room and sat on the couch that used to be occupied by Lafayette and Martha Laurens. Hercules was the first to speak. He noticed Eliza, with bright eyes and frizzled hair. Then he saw Martha Laurens. His eyes almost lit up.

“You’re Martha Laurens,” he said. The girl nodded. “I… uh, we think you’re the exact person we need for your help.”

“Wh-” Martha cleared her throat. “What do you mean?” Mr. Washington couched subtly and raised his chin.

“Hercules informed me of the issue. Since it was break I wouldn’t have noticed Laurens’ absences until next week. I only knew something was wrong when I hadn’t gotten an email from Alexander Hamilton yet. That boy sends me an essay every day for some reason. When he hadn’t sent me one yesterday or today, I went to his dorm, to find Angelica Schuyler scrounging through his stuff. She explained everything.” Eliza blushed at her sister’s informalities.

“And you’re going to help?” Eliza asked tentatively. “No offense, Mr. Washington, but this isn’t a matter a teacher can help with.”

Mr. Washington laughed and cringed. “First, call me George. I know its not formal, but I think we’re past that. And, yes, I can help. I’m very good friends with your father, who happened to be friends with the Laurens’ family.” Martha flinched at the mention of her family.

Lafayette spoke next. “Martha and I know John the best. If we put our minds together we ought to find a solution without involving politics and news. John doesn’t like that.”

George pondered on this for a moment. He opened his mouth when more knocks pounded on the door, followed by a voice.

“Lafayette, I forgot my key. Quick, let me in.” It was Burr. Lafayette scurried to open the door, and he widened his eyes. There stood, well half stood, John Laurens. His arm was draped around Aaron who had blood smeared all over his clothes.

“Merde (fuck).”

“John,” Martha breathed out. The boy had gotten cleaned and Lafayette had wrapped his leg along with his chest. “You’re here, you’re okay…” The girl had tears in her eyes and she leaned over the bed (Lafayette’s bed) to hug her older brother. The boy winced but hugged back with the little strength he had.

He said nothing, just whimpered. Lafayette brought him some ice and pills to ease the pain in his leg. Probably a fracture and three ribs broken. His face surprisingly barely had any bruises, just dried up blood. John recognized what his brother had tried to do. It was what his father had done. Beat his children where it couldn’t be seen unless someone peeked through the curtains.

“John, we were so worried,” Lafayette said quietly. George Washington had called the rest of the group. They were on their way. No one knew if John wanted them there, but he hadn’t said anything, so they called.

Eliza thought she was intruding. She didn’t know any of these people. But she couldn’t walk away. She saw the pain in John’s eyes and the fear in Martha’s. She wouldn’t leave. Hercules was sitting on the couch, away from the bedroom, waiting for his friends to come. Twenty minutes later Angelica, Peggy, and Alexander burst through the doors. They weren’t allowed in the bedroom where John lay yet. Martha wouldn’t allow it. She knew who had hurt her brother, and she knew part of it was Alexander’s fault.

About an hour after the team had come to the dorm, Martha greeted everyone and stood in the middle of the living room. Alexander was anxiously biting his nails. Angelica, Peggy, and Eliza were holding each other’s hands, exchanging comforting words. Hercules was sitting next to Alex, not doing anything.

“How is he?” Alex blurted out. Everyone protested at his outburst but Martha silenced them. She walked over and leaned so she was in Alex’s face. She closed her eyes then opened them. A flame of anger replacing her pupils. She was so mad she couldn’t even speak. She finally decided on the words.

“Horrible.” She loved the look on Alex’s face. Horror seeping his way into his mind again. The Schuyler sisters hugged each other tighter. Hercules even reacted. He tensed up and dared to look Martha in the eye.

“How did Aaron find him?” he asked. Just then Burr made his way into the room, standing beside Martha.

“At a bar. Multiple reports had reported an abusive relationship. Charlie managed to get him and John kicked out of a bar. People thought they were dating. Just couldn’t see the resemblance through all the blood. I was wandering town when someone called me saying that John was getting beat up on Mercer street.” Aaron wiped his face and sat down on a single chair that had been pulled from the dining room. Martha watched everyone’s apologetic eyes and restrained herself from shouting.

“Another thing,” she added, trying to calm herself down. She wanted to say the words, but they just kept on getting stuck in her throat. She felt the tears threatening to burn her eyes and make their way down her cheek, scolding them by touch. Martha felt Aaron’s hand brush against hers, which gave her the little encouragement she had. She locked eyes with Eliza who was staring her down. “John… he hasn’t said a word since he got back…” She couldn’t finish it. She looked at Aaron for aid. He nodded and mustered up his strength.

“Mr. Washington believes that John may’ve gone mute.”


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so first of all, yay! Another chapter. Next, so I reread through my story and noticed some mistakes that I never fixed. So, I realized that I originally had it as "Charles Laurens," but throughout some chapters it got changed to "Charlie Laurens." I fixed that and it is only "Charlie Laurens." Next thing that I fixed. John wasn't raped by his ex-boyfriend, just his ex-best friend since he didn't consider himself to be gay. 
> 
> Also I made it so that the Schuyler sisters didn't know what John looked like, even though I write that he's a famous kid who's been on the news a lot. I haven't bothered to fix that... sorry. 
> 
> Now WARNING for the chapter: Mentions sexual assault.

Martha Laurens was not expecting to spend her whole day at the hospital with her mother. She didn’t expect to get a phone call from one of her brother’s good friends claiming that her other brother almost went on a killing rampage. She wasn’t expecting a phone call from the hospital while she was sitting in a taxi in New York. She wasn’t expecting the kind nurse that had brought her coffee every day to tell her that her mother flat lined while she was gone looking for her brother. Martha wasn’t expecting any of it. So there she found herself, sitting in a young man’s dorm, watching as her brother’s breathing evened out. Watching to see if his breathing would stop. 

“Oh, Jack.” Martha didn’t want to be here. She was supposed to come to New York in three weeks, not within one week from the last time she’d talked to her brother. She had so much to tell him. John didn’t have a choice to listen or not. After Aaron broke the news to the group, everyone was on their phones searching for answers. All except for Alex. He just sat there, motionless. He blamed himself, everyone could see that. Everyone tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, except it truly was, Lafayette made sure of that the day John was taken. 

George Washington stood in the door frame of Lafayette’s room. He didn’t know what to do. He was supposed to be teaching the next day, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to prepare. He gave all the kids a few days off, he didn’t even know if he was allowed to do that. He’d spoken to his wife the previous night before, explaining John’s condition. She had studied as a nurse in college, so she would be of some help hopefully. 

“Maybe try talking to him,” George suggested as Martha stood to get a glass of water for herself. She gave her an irked look, despite that he was an older adult. Martha was the younger of the Laurens family, being 18. John was 20 and Charlie was 25. The last time that Martha could recall the three siblings hanging out together without it ending in an argument was during John’s 17th birthday, three years ago. 

“I’ve been talking to him for the past hour, I think he’d get annoyed,” she replied shortly. She tried to exit the room but George held her by the shoulder quickly, making her flinch back. Martha stared at him for a second before looking down and mumbling, “Sorry.” George widened his eyes. 

“Oh, no, Martha, I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly. “It’s just, my wife explained that even if someone is mute they still want to be able to feel involved.” Martha nodded to show she understood. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Mr. Washington, I’ll get my drink now, though,” she responded. Then gently pushed her way through. She was met with Alexander right in her face with a glass of water in hand. 

“Here, for you,” he said as he handed the glass in her hand. 

“Uh, thanks,” she said numbly. She turned slowly to head back into the room. 

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Alex stopped her. She turned around and saw how desperate she was. “It’ll be really short,” he promised. Martha internally sighed but agreed anyway. 

“Real quick, he may wake up soon without any pills lately.” 

Alex nodded and seized his chance. “So, I’m new here. I haven’t really lived in New York for a long time. I knew Hercules from the internet and met up with him in real life a month ago. It’s just, I didn’t know about John that much. He was all over the news and it intrigued me, I guess. I was away that he had siblings but I didn’t know that Charlie was his older brother, I’m truly sorry about that…” After Alex rambled Martha held in a laugh. Instead she smirked a little and placed her hand on Alex’s shoulder. 

“Alexander, don’t worry,” she assured him. “No one knows the real stuff unless they look. People just didn’t care enough to.” She bit her tongue to say anymore. It failed. 

“What do you mean? Your family is well known, why wouldn’t people know?” Alex tilted his head in interest. 

Martha didn’t have any problem spilling her guts, but these weren’t hers. They were her brothers. She bit her lip for a few moments as if she was debating something in her head, then went over motioned to go to the kitchen. Once they were both there Martha leaned against a counter and Alex looked at her expectantly. 

“Okay…” Martha calmed herself. “Jack was never Dad’s favorite, always doing the wrong thing. Dad believed that boys shouldn’t be interested in drawing or music. Jack never agreed with him. He thought tha-” 

Alex quickly interrupted, “Who’s Jack?” Martha looked agitated before realizing her mistake. 

“Right, sorry, Jack is a nickname everyone in the family would call John. I’ll try to stick to his real name, but it may slip up,” Martha explained. Alex interrupted once again. 

“How does one get ‘Jack’ from ‘John?’” Martha glared at him. He silenced. 

“So, John thought that Dad’s beliefs were completely wrong. He never said it outloud, but both Charlie and I knew his real opinions. This was before all the problems really started, so we were all really tight, like actual siblings. So the real trouble began when John was in seventh grade. He made friends with this kid Francis. They were inseparable. Mom and Dad were really happy that he’d made a friend, but as time went by, Dad thought they were spending too much time together. I was only in fifth grade, so I didn’t know what he meant. My oldest brother did. 

“Charlie got mad at what Dad was suggesting. Now, he wasn’t mad that he was being rude to his son, no, he got mad that Dad was claiming his middle child was gay. In our family, that was unacceptable. Charlie agreed with Dad’s thoughts on politics, but he never let it get in the way of us. We were really great siblings, Alex, like really great…” Martha swallowed back the tears. If only… 

“The next year Charlie went to college, so Dad didn’t have anyone who shared political values anymore. Mom never was interested in that stuff, and she was always tired, so it wasn’t like she wanted to get involved. I had just started sixth grade and was missing my oldest brother, so I was grumpy and all. Ja-John, was really hating eighth grade. He stayed friends with Francis but the rumors only started to grow from there. Everyone in his grade thought he was spending too much time with Francis. Of course, he didn’t listen. He never did. 

“Eventually the teasing stopped and John was a junior in high school. I was a freshman and people were giving me a hard time for no reason. Most of the school really liked John, but there were always those kids that hated John because they thought he was gay or because of his father’s values. John was always the center of the hurricane.” Martha stopped when she saw Alex’s demeanor shrink. “What’s wrong?” 

Alex waved her off. “I’ll tell you later, continue.” 

Martha hesitated. “One day after school I got backed up near the dumpets, classic. I was stuck. They grabbed my bag and emptied it, looking for something. Then they held me back and grabbed my phone. I didn’t have a lock on it, so they were able to go through it. They didn’t look at anything except for stuff that involved my brother. They looked through our texts together and any pictures I had of him. Then they deleted them. They texted my brother telling him to meet me at the back of the school, which is where the dumpsters were. He didn’t reply for fifteen minutes, and I thought they were just going to leave me alone, but he arrived just as they were leaving. He stared at the scene in with wide eyes and noticed how shriveled I looked. He must’ve thought something else had happened and started beating the shit out of the group of kids. Some of them were seniors and some were in his class. Seven in total. 

“He was suspended for a week, but he didn’t care. I was able to explain that nothing happened, that they just wanted dirt on him. Those kids didn’t come back for a whole month. I didn’t tell the teachers the truth, I just told them what they thought happened.

“John didn’t care if he got suspended, but our father sure did. That was the first time I believed we were actually in danger…” Martha readied herself to explain the worst part of the story, but then shot her head up in the direction of where her brother was. George was waving her over, mouthing that John was awake. 

Martha stole a glance at Alex and he said, “Go, finish later.” She saw how much he wanted to know the rest of the story, but ignored the feeling. She quickly made her way to George and pushed through him to see her brother sitting up, staring at her with blank eyes. 

“Jacky,” she whispered. The light flickered on and she heard the door behind her close. They were alone. She approached the bed and grabbed her brother’s hand. “Are you better?” He shrugged and motioned to the sketchbook and pencil that were located on the bed stand. Lafayette had left that there for him later. Martha grabbed both the items and handed them to her brother. 

**Who’s here?**

Martha probably guessed that he didn’t have much of a memory from last night. “Well, obviously me. Lafayette and Burr are here. As well as the Schuyler sisters, lucky you,” she teased. 

**Anyone else?**

“Mr. Washington.” John made a weird face. “Yeah, I know, weird. And uh… Alexander Hamilton and Hercules Mulligan.” John made an even weirder face. 

**Why?**

“Alex feels really responsible, so he wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

**Well… I’m not, but he knows that. So he can leave, along with his friend.** ****

Martha laughed forcefully and placed her hand on her brother’s shoulder. It was her way of comforting people. “Jack, I think you want him here.” Her brother looked at her incredulously. 

**What do you mean? What did you do??**

“I didn’t do anything… I just sort of explained some stuff,” Martha admitted. “Not all of it, I wasn’t able to finish.” 

John looked down guiltily. 

**Because I woke up. Sorry.**

Martha’s heart broke just a little bit more. Her brother was already in so much pain. She didn’t even know what Charlie had done. She didn’t want to add to the emotional trauma, but she needed to. “I have to ask, Jack… what happened?” John looked up with fresh tears in his eyes, he opened his mouth for a moment, then clamped it shut harshly. A flash of anger washed over his face before dread did. 

**My hand will cramp, Marty. You really wanna do that to me?**

Martha laughed but nodded. “I need to know, we all do. Especially Lafayette and Burr.” John nodded sadly, and started scribbling down ferociously. He stopped writing a few times to roll his wrist before continuing. About ten minutes later he turned the book for his sister to see. 

**As soon as Lafayette and Alexander started fighting Charlie grabbed me by the arm and bolted. My ankle was still aching, but I couldn’t complain, I didn’t want to draw attention. After a painful sprint to the outside, Charlie shoved me inside his car. He stuffed some rag in my mouth so I couldn’t talk or scream. He then started the car and sped quickly away from the campus. I must’ve fallen asleep because when I woke up I was in a cold room, with no windows. It was really bright, but I was still scared. Charlie was talking to someone on the phone for a long time. Then at the end of the phone he cursed really loudly and threw his phone across the room. He then glared at me and pointed. He said things along the line, “This is your fault. It’s gone. They’re gone. It’s your fault. You made them weak.” I didn’t know who he was talking about. Who’s them?**

**Then he left the room for the rest of that day. I dozed off a lot, I thought he was just going to keep me there forever. Then the next day he came back with some food and water. That wasn’t all. Someone else was there… Francis. He’d brought Francis. The dick that he is, he brought him… I didn’t know what was going to happen… next thing I need, Charlie was holding me back, like, holding me back like he wanted to kill me. I didn’t resist, I thought they were just going to question me. No. Francis started undressed in front of me. Every now and then I would hear Charlie make homophobic statements but Francis kept on stripping until he only had underware on. I was scared. I didn’t want to relive that year. I had no choice.**

**I felt my arms being tied by Charlie, and this time I did struggle, because I knew what was going to happen. I didn’t win. My hands were tied behind my back and Charlie left. It was only Francis and I. He stared at me for a moment before speaking. He talked about how much he missed me, and he kept on rubbing my chest… I felt disgusted with myself. I squirmed underneath his touch but he kept on saying how he liked it when I resisted, so I stopped. Then Francis got out a knife. He dragged it against my shirt and I thought he was going to shank me. He ripped my shirt in half and it exposed my chest. I was shaking with fear as I was barfing inside my mouth, I had to swallow it, but oh Marty, I was terrified. I’m so sorry.**

**Then he spread out my legs and unzipped my jeans… then I was injected with some drug. I passed out, I kept on passing out. You would think it would be better to be asleep, but no. The drug would wear out and I would wake up. Every single time I woke up, his… he was inside my mouth, I couldn't scream and my throat was so sore, I felt stuff dripping down… I’m so sorry Marty, I’m so sorry…**

**Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry…**

Martha reread the last line a million times before her brother snatched the paper back and tore it up, sobbing uncontrollably. He was shaking and he flinched at Martha’s touch. She stood up quickly as if she would hurt him if she got any closer. She watched as the note got ripped up more and more until there was nothing left. Martha tried not to barf, she tried not to call her brother and murder him. Martha didn’t feel anything until she felt arms embrace her as she was pulled away from her brother. She turned and saw Lafayette hugging her, and then looked at her brother. Burr and George were trying to talk to John, but he kept on thrashing in pain and whimpering. Then he stopped. He stopped moving and stopped crying.

Martha wanted to crumple up, she didn’t want to live with people like her family. She didn’t want to live. She hugged Lafayette back tightly before looking up to meet his moist eyes and saying, “I’m sorry,” before elbowing him in the gut and bolting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, I kind of made Alex a dick in this chapter. Don't worry, he'll prove himself later. I just needed to make his personality known, that he didn't like being proven wrong or being forced to back down. 
> 
> But really, he's like... a real dick...

The youngest of the Laurens family cried as she fell against a tree. She didn’t know where she was. She ran. She always hated John for running, but she understood. John always felt like he was trapped, that everyone was getting hurt because of him. Martha had stayed for her mother. Now she was gone. Now what? 

Martha heard her phone ringing a couple of times and saw it was John. She hesitated. She knew it wasn’t really him, that it was probably Lafayette or Burr. She still couldn’t bring herself to accept the call. The last time she was on call with her brother she got to hear her brother get beat up by her other brother. John had never hung up the call, Martha had to. She knew what was happening and she eventually bought a ticket to New York. Was it a mistake? Probably. Everything she did was a mistake. She couldn’t even tell her brother that his mother was dead. What kind of sister was she? Martha stared at the ringing phone until it stopped, then an unknown number called. She answered it. 

“H-hello?” Her voice was raspy and sore from crying. Her eyes were puffy and she wanted to curl up.

“Martha?” Alex. Alex was calling her. She shook her head slightly and stood up. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” 

“We’re all so worried. John is worried. Come back,” Alex pleaded. Martha sighed and looked around. She didn’t know where she was. 

“I’m lost. I can’t… I’m so sorry,” she mumbled. She started walking and looking for signs. She saw a street name. “I’m near Mercer street.” 

“I live near there. Okay, I’ll tell you where to go and you’ll come back, got it?” Martha found herself agreeing. Alex told her where to go and fifteen minutes later she was back in Lafayette’s arms. He was mumbling something in French. Burr was apparently with Mr. Washington with John, still trying to calm him down. The Schuyler sisters had left, including Eliza, which made Martha frown. Hercules had also left, to Alex’s shock. He claimed that this wasn’t his problem and he’d get them food. 

Mr. Washington cleared his throat and Burr showed up behind him. They’d gently closed John’s door and joined everyone in the living room. “He’s still really shaken up, but he should be fine,” Mr. Washington concluded. Martha nodded and found herself standing, with Lafayette by her side. 

“What are you doing?” she snapped, then her eyes widened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that… It’s just…” Lafayette silenced her by grabbing her arm and leading her to John’s/his room.

“I want to see him too.”

The two were inside John’s room. The boy was wiping his tears and scribbling something down in his notebook. 

**Marty.**

Martha nodded and quickly was by his side, grabbing his hand and silently crying into his shoulder. “Jacky, I need to tell you something…” John ignored her and continued to write. 

**Does Mom know? Does Dad?**

It was Lafayette who cried a little at the question, not only because John's father was dead and he couldn't remember that, but also that he’d gotten a phone call from the hospital since he was a very close friend of John. He was surprised that the latter hadn’t checked his phone yet. 

“Oui, your father knows. He’s trying to get a hold of Charlie,” Lafayette lied. John physically relaxed, then his eyes sparkled with wonder, not the good type. He went to write something again but Martha gently stopped him, taking the marker from him. John looked betrayed but didn’t argue. His sparkling eyes just looked at his sister. 

“Jack…” Martha swallowed. “The day that I left South Carolina to find you… I got a phone call after I landed.” Lafayette tensed and sat on the bed with John, who was still confused. He quickly grabbed the marker out of Martha’s hand and scribbled something down. 

**Martha Laurens. Tell me right now.**

Martha’s heart broke and she held in the secret. “Mom’s dead.” It was so blunt, but hearing herself hear it out loud made her burst into tears as she pulled away from her brother. Lafayette grabbed her shoulder quickly to stop her from leaving. 

“He needs you.” 

They both turned around to see John staring at Martha with wide eyes but a blank expression. No tears, no screams. The boy almost looked at peace. Almost. It was that moment when Alex decided to slam open the door and look for John frantically. You know, he was a good kid at times, but others, he was a real dick. 

“John. Burr just told me. Are you okay?” Lafayette looked as if he was refraining himself from punching Alex in the face. Martha didn’t. She lunged forward and shoved Alex harshly, making him topple onto the ground. 

“Go away!” she screamed. “No one wants you here! This is because of you. This isn’t your business! You don’t know anything!!” Alex didn’t know why he responded, but he did, pretty snarkily as well. 

“It’s not my fault that your family is messed up!” The room went silent. Alex stood up quickly and looked around. Lafayette was glaring at him, but a hint of fear was clear in his face. Mr. Washington and Burr were at the doorway, also giving him an annoyed look. It was a fucked up thing to say, Alex knew. He didn’t have a reason to get defensive. He was just plain stupid then. Someone cleared their throat. All heads turned to John, who was visibly fuming. If he could’ve, he would’ve gotten up just then and punched Alex so hard he’d be seeing stars for days. 

John opened his mouth to say something, but then clamped it shut, fear washing over his face. Martha immediately softened, knowing what her brother had gone through, why he didn’t talk. She was at his side again, whispering things in his ear. “You don’t have to be afraid,” she said quietly, only for her Jack’s ears. 

That seemed to give the boy the courage because he opened up his mouth again. “Fuck off, Alexander.” 

It was if the whole room flinched. Burr and Mr. Washington excused themselves silently and left, as did Lafayette. Alex just stood there stupidly, as if he didn’t know what to do. He did. He knew that he should listen and just leave, and never see them again. He didn’t. Alex was what some would call a stubborn guy. But at that moment, Alex wasn’t feeling stubborn. He’d already messed up, might as well speak his mind. He didn’t know why he wanted to piss off the Laurens family, they could easily destroy his life. But again, Alex wasn’t thinking, and he didn’t want to be stubborn. He wanted to be a dick. 

So he did. Alex had the nerve to take a step closer to the siblings and even smirk. “It seems as if you’ve already done that, Jacky boy.” John froze at that. He couldn’t breath. No way Alex knew what he was talking about. No way he already knew what had happened to him the past few days, no way Martha would do that. So there was only one other thing that he could’ve been talking about. Francis from years ago. John felt his sister tense against him and then started shaking with rage. She was about to lunge at Alex again when Alex felt something connect with his jaw. He was on the ground again. Looming over him was Lafayette, his face unreadable. 

“Alexander, I believe you do as he says,” he snarled. Alex didn’t have to be told another time. He bolted out of the room and past Mr. Washington and Burr, who were having a quiet conversation, probably about how much of a dick Alex was. 

Alex knew what he did was wrong. So he left the building and ran home. What was wrong with him? He had no reason to excuse him for his behavior, no reason to blame. Except for maybe one… Alex tried to tell himself that he was a good person, but it was hard for him to believe. 

The boy was close to tears when he made it to his rented out home. He unlocked the door and slammed it shut. Alex knew the feeling of having a dead parent. His mother had died at the age 12 and his father left him two years before that. He had no family. But that was long again. He still remembered what it felt like to lose someone, but he’d had to long to forget about it, to recover. He never had a group of supporting friends. His brother had left when their mother died. He hadn’t heard of him since. He was probably dead. 

The more and more Alex thought about what he said, the more he cried. God, he was such a dick. How could he do that? How could he just say that a family that had recently lost their mother say that they had issues? That they were messed up? Alex was more messed up. At least no one said it to his face. God, he was really messed up. He wanted to be John’s friend, but Alex would just get so defensive. It would never work out. Alex would have to leave the college. No way he could continue going to school with one of the most popular kids hating him.

Him calling the Laurens family messed up wasn’t even bad though. The fact that he called John out like that, it was horrible. It had been years ago, and he just had to rub it in his face. Alex had never gotten abused like John did, never gotten assaulted. 

As much as Alex wanted to forgive himself, he couldn’t. He couldn’t just compare his and John’s life and think, “Oh, we’re both gone through the same shit. He’ll forgive me.” Because no. John was a good person, Alex wasn’t. John fought through his battles, Alex ran. John never ran. John never ran. John never ran. 

If only Alex knew.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Alex isn't mentioned much in this chapter, he's not really included. This chapter is mostly about sharing some more background history of the Laurens and John's life. It's kinda depressing.

“I swear, I’ll kill the kid,” Lafayette said angrily to Burr, who was really just trying to find peace in the whole ideal. 

“Laf, he’s just confused.” Martha scoffed at that. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t know anything,” she stated again. “He has no right to say things to my brother and I.” The three sat in silence. Mr. Washington had left a couple minutes after Alex had run off. John didn’t say anything after his reply. He looked at everyone as if they would hurt him for even breathing. 

“When’s the funeral?” Lafayette asked quietly, looking Martha in the eyes. She flinched and looked down. She shook her head. 

“I… I don’t know,” she replied shakily. “The last funeral was prepared by Jack. I don't know anything.” Burr stood up and made everyone coffee. It was late at night, and none of the students should’ve been awake. But they were. Martha looked at the two boys that were in the same room as her. She knew that they were John’s best friends. She didn’t know anything about them. Martha felt as if she’d missed so much of her brothers’ life, and vice versa. 

Lafayette excused himself before Burr could finish the hot drinks. He mumbled something in French and went into where John was staying. That left Martha and Burr alone. 

Burr waited in the kitchen for the water to heat up. “Black?” he said suddenly. Martha looked at him strangely. “Uh, would you like black coffee?” 

“Oh… yeah, sure.” More silence. Burr brought Martha her mug and she thanked him. The two continued to sit in silence. Then Martha spoke. 

“Lafayette said that my brother did drugs,” she said. Burr nodded. “It’s true?” 

“John never had a good time at school, Martha, you should know that,” Burr replied casually. 

“Well, of course. But that was before he came to New York. He said that things were getting better,” Martha shot back. Burr raised his hands in surrender. Martha sighed. “Sorry, it’s just… I can’t imagine my brother doing drugs so much that he almost died…” 

Silence. 

“Was it really that bad?” Burr asked. Martha raised her eyebrow. “Life at home, for him. He never got into it. Always changing the subject. I figured you’d be more open, sorry if you’re not.” 

Martha shrugged. “I’ve already revealed some stuff he didn’t want others to know. Shoot.” 

“Lafayette and I know that John got abused when he was young. Why didn’t he report it? Why didn’t people get suspicious with the constant bruises?” 

The younger Laurens thought before answering. “Our father was a very rich man and popular. He could easily brush it off as a lie. Of course, either way, John wouldn’t expose his family like that. That would get him and I taken into custody by the government.” Burr nodded. 

“My second question?” 

“Ever since I could remember, my father always depicted my brother as ruiness and reckless. Violent. My dad gave John a personality before he could give himself one. If people knew about John’s personality, no one would question why he got into ‘fight’ all the time. I did try to defend him, push off all the mean things that they said about John. It never worked, mostly because I was a girl.” Martha said all this with a straight face, only flinching once when she mentioned her father. 

Burr rummaged his mind for another question. “Sorry if this is a sensitive topic, but, your mother.” Martha nodded slowly, eyes uncertain. “She knew about the abuse, I assume, why didn’t she help?” 

Martha refrained herself from lashing out. She would defend her mother and brother for as long as it took, even if they were dead. “Burr, if I may, my mother had been sick for a long time. I’m sure John has brought it up. She never left her room. Before John moved out, Father would only beat him in the basement that we have. A full floor apart from where I would be waiting on my mother and helping her eat. Even if she did hear or see anything, her sickness would get the best of her and she'd forget.” 

The other person in the room didn’t miss the way Martha said all this with a sharp tone. He chose his next words slowly. “I didn’t mean it how you thought I did.” 

“Yes you did. You were accusing my mother of not caring enough about us that she would just turn the other way. My mother was not like that. She cared for us with all her heart. Before she got sick, she was the best. Always defending my brother from the press and her husband. She loved us.” Martha didn’t cry, but she wanted to. She was so broken, and she was picking fights with her brother’s friend. Why? 

Burr stayed silent. 

“I’m sorry I snapped again… I’m just… scared,” Martha said after a while quietly. She wiped her eyes and fumbled with her hair. Burr stood up to hug the younger girl, and she didn’t flinch. She leaned into the embrace and cried. 

“I know you loved the way I decked him, mon amie, it was fantastic,” Laf laughed. He’d closed the door and was now joking with his oldest friends. He had been able to have John crack a smile or too, but his eyes never matched his mask. 

Laf was getting tired of speaking just to himself, but he wasn’t upset. He wouldn’t pressure John into telling him anything that he didn’t want him to know. So instead, he went onto a rant about how much Disney was and how he could be a disney princess. The two joked and laughed some more when something caught Lafayette’s eye. It was a pile of ripped and crumpled up paper, with writing on it. He leaned over to pick it up but he heard his friend whimper a little. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. John froze. “What is it, John?” He pointed to the paper on the ground. John’s eyes watered and he turned away, his face against the pillow he was leaning on. 

“John, s'il te plaît (please), tell if you don’t want me seeing this,” Laf tried. John ignored him. So Lafayette reached into the pile and tried to piece the papers together. It took a while, but he finally did it. And when he read it, he felt bile rising into his throat. “John…” 

His friend flinched but turned to look at Laf, who was trying not to cry. John’s eyes were so sad and filled with shame. He opened his mouth and looked his friend right in the eye. “I’m sorry, Laf… I tried.” 

“You can ask me more questions,” Martha told Burr. Lafayette had been in her brother’s room for an hour, and she couldn’t have been more happy. Laf was just too energetic and outgoing, Burr was definitely like her. 

“Alright,” Burr said hesitantly. “I have a deep one.” 

Martha waved him off. “Please, I’ve lived it, don’t worry.” 

“John mentioned once about another sibling,” Burr said slowly. Martha tensed a little but managed to smile. 

“Yeah, little Jemmy,” she said, her voice being forced out. “You want to know what happened?” 

Burr looked down sheepishly. “It always piqued my interest. He never got into it.” Martha knew how shut off her brother was about James. 

“I can,” she said. “So, Jemmy, who’s real name was James, was really great. Five years ago, was when it happened. John was 15, I was 13, and Jemmy was 10, only three years younger than me. I was inside reading, Mom was sleeping, and Dad was making dinner. It was around 4:30, and Jemmy wanted to go outside and play. I immediately volunteered John to go outside, which earned me a glare. 

“He claimed that if he watched Jemmy something bad would happen, I laughed it off, but he looked dead serious. I practically shoved him outside after Jemmy got his shoes and sweater on. Everything was going great. Jemmy was riding his bike on our long driveway , John was running along beside him, smiling. I was watching from a window, and honestly, I was a bit jealous. I didn’t want to hang out with Jemmy, he was just annoying, but John didn’t hang out with me anymore. He was always with… Francis… staying out late and coming home tired and cranky. 

“I guess I didn’t want him to leave for college like Charlie did. I couldn’t stop him, so if he was able to spend time with Jemmy, I was satisfied. So, I hear my dad calling my name to get something in the kitchen, and I leave the window to help him. When I get back Jemmy’s bike is laying in the middle of the yawn and John is sprinting full speed toward the window. He has tears in his eyes and he looks terrified. I immediately go into shock and jump up. I bolt outside and meet him. He’s mumbling things about a tree and then he runs to the back yard, where Jemmy is lying. He’s on the ground, eyes closed, not moving. His arm looks broken and he's bleeding from his head. 

“It’s not the worst thing. Dad must’ve seen him on the ground from the kitchen window and ran out. He didn’t know that John had ran out front to get me, he thinks that John just left him alone, that he wasn’t being responsible. Hours later, we’re at the hospital. Jemmy’s name gets called and… he’s dead. Jemmy’s dead. I’m crying, Dad’s crying. John, he’s just frozen, then his eyes shoot up to Dad, who’s staring coldly at him. 

“We get home, and immediately, Dad has his hand around Jack’s throat, he’s squeezing and Jack’s just trying to escape, he’s gasping for breath and he’s looking at me, trying to tell me to leave. But I didn't, I stared and I panicked, I started crying for Dad to get off him. He didn’t. I only remember sirens circling our home and the next day, my dad’s talking to some lawyer, who’s asking me questions. Questions like, ‘Does your father hurt you? Are you okay? Do you trust him?’ I know what’s happening. They’re taking us away. So I lie. I tell them that yesterday everyone was under a lot of stress and it would never happen again. They believed me. 

“My father is staring at me in disbelief, like he couldn’t believe that I lied for him. My brother is in his room, a cast on his arm and bruised ribs… I’m getting off topic, I’m sorry sorry… 

“But, yeah. Jemmy was our little brother. I think that was when my father really started hating my brother. That’s when Charlie did. My father thought that John just left Jemmy to die. All the abuse, just because he couldn’t stay and listen…” 

Martha finished the story out of breath and is looking at Burr, who is just wide-eyed. Then she started crying again. God, she’s such a baby, couldn’t even hold it together for one damn story. She was the one who deserved to die… 

Burr tries to comfort Martha again but this time she pushed him away, embarrassed and ashamed. It’s silent for a while. Martha pulls herself together and locks eyes with Burr. 

“You know what’s worse?” 

Burr shook his head, scared to know. 

“Mom, she had already gotten sick by then. Her memory was getting affected. Oh, Burr, she didn’t even remember who Jemmy was by the end of the week. When she died, she died thinking she had only three kids and a loving husband.”


	10. Not an update chapter... sowwy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY!!

I'm really sorry but it's not an update chapter... 

Been busy with school and social life that I haven't gotten a chance to sit down and write. 

Definitely continuing with the fic, so don't worry about that, not lost my love for Lams or Hamilton yet (Lams WILL come in later, promise). 

Have a break of school this week so I'm with my family the whole time, probably won't post another chapter until next week. Sorry again, I didn't post this week and I'm so mad over myself for it.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy! I'm back!! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it may be a bit confusing so I'll clear some stuff up at the end. Just go with the flow...

Because of technical issues, the New York School had been shut down for a couple of days. That gave the group of kids a chance to recuperate. Once Lafayette figured out what happened he went to Martha about it, who confessed that she knew about it as well. They both agreed not to tell anyone else unless John was comfortable with it, even though Lafayette was furious that they weren’t calling the cops.

Alex stayed in his rental home for the next two days after he’d made his mistake. He’d gotten a couple of calls from Martha and Hercules, but he’d ignore the calls or answer the phone with short replies, then hanging up. Hercules eventually got upset from the lack of attention his friend was giving him, so he found himself banging on Alex’s door at 5:00 in the morning

“Alexander, please, they want to talk to you,” Hercules shouted after knocking for the fifth time. He tried to stay quiet because it was so early, but his friend wasn’t making it easy. He was about to leave when he heard the door unlock. There revealed a ruffled looking Alexander Hamilton. His brown hair was knotted and he was wearing a black robe with pink spots all around.

“How can I help you?” he said tiredly, a bored expression on his face. Hercules stifled a laugh.

“I-uh, the gang wants to speak with you. They’re worried,” he explained. Alex shook his head and stepped outside, then closed the door behind him.

“Pardon my English, but the fuck you talking ‘bout?” Alex said with an even voice. Hercules let out a low whistle.

“Damn, Ham, you know what I mean. The Schuyler sisters, Martha, John, La-”

“No. Lafayette does not want to speak with me, I know that,” Alex interrupted, “he literally punched me the last time I saw him.”

“I mean, you kinda deserved it man…” Hercules responded quietly, not meeting his friend’s eyes. Alex only nodded sadly.

“Wait, you said John?”

Hercules brightened. “Yeah, man, he started speaking the night you left. Apparently Lafayette was about to talk some sense into him.” Hamilton took a deep breath and weighed his options. He could apologize and put the whole thing behind him, or mope around until school started again. Well, he didn’t know this group that well, they may not just forgive him…

“Fuck it,” Alex said with a timid smile, “let me get changed.”

“Jack, I know you don’t want to talk about this…” Martha started. She shared a look with Lafayette and Burr, who were lounging on Laf’s couch sipping some coffee. Martha was beside John as he tried to make himself some food, despite his injury.

John scoffed. “About what, lil’ Marty?” he asked, trying to keep things serious with their childhood nicknames.

“Oh, you know… the past few days. With family,” Martha replied casually, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. Burr shot a look at Laf, who was smiling at his phone.

“Who are you talking to, Sir Laugh-A-Lot?” he teased. Lafayette turned red and he quickly shoved his phone into his pocket, trying not to make a big deal.

“No one, chut **(hush)** ,” Laf replied. “I mean, J'étais juste **(I was just)** , texting the Schuylers, they should be over soon.” John smirked.

“Are you sure it’s not Hercules Mulligan?” he investigated. Laf reddened more.

“I… I don’t know what you mean.”

“C’mon Laffy Taffy, you like him,” John continued. “Tell him to come over. The more the merrier.”

Burr rolled his eyes. “If so, Hercules was actually able to convince a rat to join us later today,” he said. All eyes went to him. “Alexander Hamilton.” John tried not to flinch at the name and Martha tried not to react. One succeeded, one failed.

“Wonderful. He can spend his time flirting with Eliza,” Martha said coldly. She didn’t forget the way that Alex first looked at Eliza when they met. It was sickening. Of course, she didn’t even know if Eliza was straight or what, Martha didn’t even know if she was. Sexuality is confusing when people don’t grow up with supporting families, her brother knows that the best.  
Burr brought the youngest Laurens out of her thoughts. “Actually, I believe that dear Eliza isn’t exactly playing for that team.” John perked.

“Really?” He then realized that he made a big deal out of it and went back to his attempt at cooking some eggs.

Martha on the other hand was thrilled. “Oh, well, congratulations on her being out and stuff, and… well, knowing her sexuality and being proud of it.” Martha was talking about herself, but her brother must’ve thought she was talking about him and he slammed the pan on the stove.

“Is this what you wanted to talk about? My fucking sexuality?” John said angrily. He turned to face his sister, and made eye contact with Lafayette. John knew very well that he had a friend who was gay, and he was completely fine, but he would deny anything that would have to do concerning his own sexuality.

Martha backed away a little on instinct, but John ignored it. He still looked angry and he tried to advance, but he couldn’t. “Jack, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about,” she tried to reason. “But if that’s what’s bothering you, then maybe it should.”

Lafayette could almost hear the bomb drop. All three people in the room knew about John’s past, and how it made it really question his life. He’d pushed it off because of his father, but he wasn’t here anymore. Only Martha.

Burr almost wanted to congratulate Martha. Whenever Burr or Laf would try to bring up the topic, John would always shut them out and be angry for the rest of the evening. But now it was Martha, John’s sister, who was getting the cat out of the bag. John would never just shut his sister out like that.

John couldn’t believe this. He was angry as well as flustered. How dare his sister bring this up with his friends? “Martha, I would advise you not to go down that path.”

“Why? That never stopped you from doing it with Dad.”

That comment hit John more than anyone could know. John was always going against his father’s advice. Martha believed it wasn’t a good idea, but she never spoke of it. Until just then. John turned away from his sister and blinked the tears away. He was not going to have a panic attack. He calmed himself and looked his sister dead in the eye. “And Momma told you never to keep life-changing events, but that didn’t stop you from doing it.”  
Burr stilled and Lafayette pulled out his phone as if it could distract him from the disaster going on in front of him.

Martha gasped quietly and tears sprang to her eyes. “You know, Jack, you may be better than Charlie and Dad, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still like them.” Once the words left her mouth Martha knew she’d made a mistake. She had never compared her brother to the rest of the men in her family. She could never. But she just did. And it broke her heart seeing the effect it had on John.

John was frozen. His cheeks had tears running down but he didn’t make a noise. His eyes looked hollow and he looked like he was in so, so much pain. Martha was about to speak again when the dorm door flung open, revealing the Schuyler sisters, Hercules, and Alexander Hamilton.

One look at the scene in front of him and Alexander already knew this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation. Martha was trying not to cry more and John was already wiping the tears out of his eyes. Burr and Lafayette stayed glued to their seats, not wanting to move.

Angelica seemed to be the first one to have an idea. “We’re here,” she announced, as if it wasn’t so painfully obvious. “Right, so, Hercules, why don’t you go get us some food from the lunch room with Lafayette?”

Hercules cleared his throat and nodded. He looked up to Laf who was already standing. Then he reached his hand out, which Lafayette took hesitantly. The two disappeared from the room.

“Next,” Angelica continued, “Eliza, go take Martha to the women’s room down the hall. Peggy, socialize with Burr. Alexander, with me.” Everyone quickly did what they were supposed to do. That left Angelica, Alexander, and John, standing in the kitchen of the dorm.

John coughed. “What’re you doing, Angie?”

Alex cringed. “Pfft, ‘Angie’?” John glared at Alexander who shut his mouth. Angelica watched the exchange.

“Well, Alexander, I do like nicknames. And John, what I am doing, is trying to heal before everything goes to hell.” John laughed a little.

“Alright, but do we really need everyone here for that?”  
Angelica looked puzzled for once. “I… I don’t know what you mean?”

John shook his head. “Look, I’m not dumb. I know that y’all think I’m defenseless and stuff, but I’m not. I’m not weak either.” Alex widened his eyes.

“John, we don’t think that. You mu-”

“Just shut up, Alexander,” John shot out. He glared at Alex before speaking again. “Honestly. I have a sucky life, we all do. We all have issues, okay, but I’m not blind. I see what you guys see. It’s just, what you guys see, isn’t the truth.”

Angelica still looked puzzled. “I’m seriously lost, Johnny boy, help us out.”

“Look, I ain’t no prince in shinin’ armor,” John drawled with his southern accent. “But I ain’t a cursed frog. Everything can be fixed with just me. That’s how my life always has been. It’s been a lot more complicated with everyone suddenly caring. News flash, I can figure things out on my own.

“I know what people hint at, I just purposely try to ignore it. I’m special that way.”

“You sure are…” Alex said quietly, his voice bitter.

“Hush,” Angelica scolded. “Explain. What is going on that you think we see?”

John shrugged. “Well, I don’t know what’s going through your minds, but I know my friends. I know that Lafayette is blushing his guts away because of a newly found crush. I know that Burr is just trying to deal with all his friends slowly crumbling, along with himself. I know that my sister is questioning her sexuality.”

“What, how do you know that?” Martha had arrived back with Eliza, and they’d somehow snuck in without them knowing, at least, without Angelica and Eliza knowing.

John turned to face his sister. “Marty, I know it ‘cause I experienced it. I lived through it, so will you.”

Silence.

Then Eliza spoke.

“How did you live through it?” All eyes went to John. He shrugged again and leaned against the fridge. He then locked eyes with his sister, who’s eyes were wide.

“Well, darlin’, I lived through it, that doesn’t mean I figured everything out.”

Alexander scrunched his nose. “That… makes no sense.”

Angelica nodded. “Yeah, man, I lost you.”

Then Martha figured it out. Her face brightened and darkened at the same time. “Jacky… are you… do…?”

John looked down at the floor, a blush coming to his cheeks. God, he wished he didn’t have to do this with all these people. He only wanted to tell his sister when the time was right.

“Yeah, Marty, I’m still questioning my sexuality. And right now, it’s looking pretty gay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so basically most of this chapter is John venting about his issues, along with everyone else's. So John is trying to explain that despite his bad past he still can read people perfectly and he knows that not everything is about him, he's just wording it weirdly because he's special! 
> 
> Also yaaaay! John kinda came out. He's progressing. Just one more step closer to being with Hammy.


	12. Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BRUH

Okay, so I was just rereading my story again and I noticed a massive plot hole. In one of the chapters John's father is apparently alive, even though he's supposed to be dead. LIKE, WHAT??

I love how everyone is being supportive, but if there are parts in the story that don't make sense or don't add up PLEASE point them out for both you and me. This fic is to help expand my writing abilities and criticism is key in that. And it won't be as enjoyable to read for you guys if you don't understand what's going on when things are constantly changing...

So, yes! I am glad that people are enjoying, but do not be afraid to point out some spots that you believe need to be changed.

Thank you! (I will be changing the first plot hole with John's father being alive)


	13. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's POV before meeting John and the group.Talks about his childhood and then a little within the months before he meets John.
> 
> (Fixed the part about forgetting Alex and the hurricane!)

Alexander Hamilton wasn’t a wealthy man. He wasn’t poor, but he wanted more. He grew up in a very poor town, and when his father left he was told he had to step up his work even more, just at the age of 10. Then his mother passed away. He was devastated. Alex hated what everyone was saying about his family, how his father was a bastard and his mother was a whore. He barely knew what those meant at 12, but he knew they weren’t good. After he became an orphan he went to move in with his aunt and cousin. Alexander lived at their apartment for three months until his cousin hung himself by the neck because of depression and bullying at school. Alex went to a separate school than his 15 year old cousin, so it wasn’t like he knew anything about the harassment. 

Then came the hurricane. It had been not even a few days since the cousin died, it came out of nowhere. Never in his life had Alex heard of a hurricane be where he was, but he was guessing it wasn’t impossible. He was at the apartment with his aunt when they suddenly got a weather warning from the radio they had. The next few hours were the worst. They had lost electricity and no longer had running water. Alex’s aunt was worried that the food was going to go bad, but Alex didn’t pay any mind to that. He kept on looking out the window of the living room, despite his aunt’s warnings. 

Outside Alex could see signs swirling around and trees getting ripped up from their roots. Before Alex had a chance to process what was happening, the apartment’s roof collapsed. They lived on the third floor out of five, so while it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, it wasn’t good. 15 people died from the accident, 34 injured. Alex’s aunt being one of them. She got paralyzed from the waste below from some debris falling on her. Alex didn’t get hurt from the building collapsing, but he almost drowned. He had somehow gotten out of the collapsed building with only some bruises and bleeding. Alex waited for people to come help them for half an hour, but heard nothing. Dust was everywhere and he could barely see. That’s when he heard the water. The waves of the sea that the island was surrounded by. It must’ve flooded, because soon Alex was being swept away by the strong current. 

Alex felt himself being tossed around his body being bruised even more. Then he hit his head on something hard and blacked out. He woke up in a bright room with doctors around him. In America.

Once Alex had recovered, the police were able to contact his aunt for the first time since the accident to see if she still wanted to be his guardian. She was quick to refuse, explaining her current situation of not having a home, enough money, or the ability to use her legs. So instead of living with any other family, Alex was put into the system. 

He skipped around homes, but he never really stayed in one place. He luckily had no families that were abusive or homophobic (because even though Alex hadn’t told anyone yet, he was bi, found out at age 14). There was one family that he actually liked. He stayed with them for two years when he was 17, a year before he would get aged out. Alex thought that they could help him with college, because they really liked him and they were pretty wealthy. That was until Alex got himself kicked out of their home. Not by them of course, but by the system. He was being a dumb teenager and got drunk, then arrested with some of his old buddies. He bid the family farewell and never saw them since. 

Alexander Hamilton did have a rough life, some would say worse than John Laurens’. It’s not like anyone could compare them though, one was just caused by nature and the other was inflicted purposely. 

Alex wasn’t pleased with his life. He wanted to find people he could relate to. So when Alex came to New York when he was 19, he was stoked to find an article about the Laurens family. He’d heard of John and Martha Laurens a couple months before, children of Senator Laurens. Well, ex-senator. Just a month before Alex had arrived in New York, Henry Laurens died from a car crash. Drunk driving.

Alexander decided that he would meet this John Laurens and befriend him. The only problem was he didn’t exactly know where he was, or if he even still lived in New York after his father’s death. A week later he found out that John did in fact still live in the New York college dorms. The same college that Alex had gotten accepted in. 

That’s when Alex remembered Hercules Mulligan, a friend he had made online within the past year. They’d never met, but they knew their secrets and their faces. Alex couldn’t wait to tell Her that he’d made it into the college. He knew that Hercules lived in New York, so maybe they would be able to meet in real life, finally! 

Alex pulled out his phone as he sat on a park bench in New York city. He wasn’t in the main part of the city, somewhere to the side so it wasn’t busy. He was about to open Hercule’s texting box when a man approached the bench. He was tall, maybe 6’2”. He had reddish-brown hair, and very few but visible freckles on his cheeks and nose. He had a faint beard, but not enough to actually call it one. Alex thought he seemed familiar, but knew he’d never seen him in his life. It kind of reminded him of Henry La- 

“Excuse me?” The sharp voice interrupted Alex’s train of thought and he forgot what he was thinking. He looked up and saw the guy in front of him, stopped. He was wearing a sharp jacket and expensive looking pants and shoes. Almost like a snob. 

Alex stuttered, “I-uh-heh… yes?” He was sweating for some reason. Why was he sweating? God, he was pathetic sometimes. Just something about the new man seemed… off. Dangerous. 

The man stared at him for a few seconds before a wave of disgust was visible on his face. He then looked Alex up and down before seeing the pride flag on the back of Alex’s phone. Busted. 

“God, you’re one of them, aren’t you?” the man spat. Alex tensed up and covered his phone case. He gingerly stood up and took a step away from the guy. 

“What do you mean?” he asked shyly. He couldn’t stop looking at the guy’s face. He wasn’t cute, well, maybe sort of hot, but Alex would never try to hit on him. It was so clear this dude was a Republican and a homophobe. 

The guy always paused before answering. “A fag.” Alex flinched from the word. No one had ever called him that before. He knew some used it as an insult or a tease, but Alex never knew how much a word could cut into his skin-no, his heart. 

Alexander could tell the man was going to do more than just call him that word, but luckily the stranger’s phone rang and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket. His face looked tired for a moment, then it hardened up. He gave on last glare at Alex before answering the call and slowly walking away. Before the man was completely gone, Alex heard the voice from the phone speak before the man even said hello. 

“Char-Char! How are you?” It was a girl, probably his girlfriend. But something about the voice was familiar as well. Alex tried to ignore the man as he walked away, but he couldn’t. The guy was walking so slow, it was as if he was daring Alex to listen in. 

“Fine, Mars. How’re you and mom?” The way “Char-Char” asked about whoever the girl was and his mother was so gentle, it was as if he was a new person. Alex wondered if something bad was going on in the family. Before he could ponder on that thought any longer, Alex’s own phone dinged and he got it out from where he’d tucked it. It was Hercules. 

_**HERC BOI** _

**HERC BOI:** wassup my man? See ur online 

**You:** yep. just had the strangest encounter tho 

**HERC BOI:** rlly? gimme the tea sista 

**You:** … 

**You** : stop. no. anyway, this dude walked up to me and was all like “yo you a dumbass gay” and all that shit

 **HERC BOI:** hell nah! he rlly called you that?? the courage of that little shit

 **HERC BOI:** ur not, right? 

Alex stopped typing. Now could be the perfect chance to tell Herc the truth. It was clear he wasn’t homophobic, or was he? God… 

**HERC BOI:** sorry… i mean, it aint bad if u r. tell the truth… ‘m gay 

Alex’s heart skipped a beat. 

**You:** really? i mean, good for u to come out to me. im glad. but not, im not

God why did he say that? 

**HERC BOI:** ye thanks. at least i know you won’t be mad at me and stuff

 **HERC BOI:** truth be told, i was worried u would disown me as a friend or smth. i was kinda scared to tell u. im glad tho i did

 **You:** of course! be proud! be your gay self! i truly support

 **HERC BOI:** anyway, tell me what else hppned?? 

**You:** well the guy was pretty sure about to murder the shit out of me 

**You:** luckily he got a call and had to walk away. it was strange tho. when he got the call it was like he sobered up or smth 

**You:** a pit of despair washed over him, ya know? 

**HERC BOI:** ya man, i dig ya. but thats kinda weird dude. like real sus

 **You:** ik. a girl had called him, called him “char char” 

**HERC BOI:** OMG! REALLY?? THATS SO FUNNY LMAO

 **You:** calm down dude

 **HERC BOI:** LIKE HE CALL U GEI YET HE GETS CALLED CHAR CHAR BY HIS GIRLFRIEND!! LMFAOOOOO

 **You:** srsly chill. its scwary 

**HERC BOI** : aight man fine. anything else happen? 

**You:** well he called her “mars” and asked about his mom. so i think they were siblings lol 

**HERC BOI:** god did i rlly just ship a sibling? #incest 

**You:** stahp 

**You:** but like, the guy looked familiar. had freckles, reddish brown hair and was kinda tall. the sisters voice sounded familiar too. it was strange 

**HERC BOI:** whooooo?????

Alex was about to tell him about who they reminded him of, but he couldn’t remember then. He tried to remember, but he couldn’t. He was about to text back when Hercules cut him off. 

**HERC BOI:** yo sows dude. tell me l8er, gotta get the pizza 

**You:** cya dude

Alexander put the phone away and noticed it was getting dark. So he headed home to his rented house. He was almost out of the city area when he was standing on a bridge and saw something really strange. He saw the John Laurens, like, the famous dude who had just lost his father, that John Laurens, leaning against a brick building. He was looking down at the ground, and he seemed… upset? Alex stopped walking and turned all his attention to the young man (who was older than Alex) wipe his face away. God, he was crying. Alex wanted to comfort him, to hug him. Then Alex noticed that a taller guy approached John. He had reddish hair again, and it was… that dude from before? What?? 

John visibly tensed when he noticed the guy walk up to him. The guy Char-Char raised his hands up surrender and started talking to John, who was relaxing more and more. A few minutes later John’s shoulders began to shake and the other guy pulled him into a hug. 

Alex watched the exchangement. It was the same guy from earlier. Being the same kind person he was on the phone with his sister. How odd. He continued to walk home. When he did it was dark. He made himself dinner and went to bed early that night. 

But later that night Alex woke up. He had a sudden realization. That guy, “Char-Char,” was a Laurens. He looked like Henry Laurens and was the brother of John. Mars was Martha Laurens. But why had he never heard of him through the web? He would have to search that up the next day. Too bad for his and everyone’s dismay, he was very disoriented when he came to that realization. So when he woke up the next morning, he forgot he even thought about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only Alexander had a better memory.


	14. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depressed John and stuff. Bit of background of how John's life was with his sick mom and horrid father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! Crazy things have been happening all around the world with the Corona virus. My school's been shut down, so maybe I'll have more time to write when I don't have online classes! Yay! :D

“Why did you never tell me you were gay?” Martha accused. John rolled his eyes. An hour ago he confessed he was questioning his sexuality, now everyone thought he was gay. He wasn’t. At least not yet. 

“I’m not  _ gay _ , Marty,” John exasperated. “I’m just… expanding my options, alright?” His sister gave him a knowing smile and shrugged. They were in Laf’s room and were given alone time. Though it didn’t feel like it really was. The dorm wasn’t very large, and the walls were so thin. 

“Speaking of gay,” John started up. He watched as his sister’s face dropped. “You’re gay, aren’t ya?” 

“No,” Martha huffed, then she added quietly, “I’m lesbian.” John stifled a laugh. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s the same thing, depending on where you’re coming from,” he stated plainly. He did laugh when his sister shot him a look. Then she joined it. God, did he miss this. Bonding with his siblings. His family. Martha was the only family he had left. Martha noticed the change of his demeanor and her face softened. 

“What’s bothering you, Jack?” she asked softly. John shrugged and turned away. He didn’t let her see the tears that were threatening to fall. He’d cried far too much this week. Crying was for girls, comforting was for boys. That’s what his father taught him. “You can tell me… you know I’ll always be here for you, right?” 

John only shook his head. He took in a shuddering breath and wiped his tears. Martha noticed this. She scooched over in the bed and wrapped her arms around her brother, who tenses at the touch, then relaxed. Martha wished that he was comfortable with sharing things, and letting her touch him without him getting scared. She didn’t really know what went on between her father and brother, but she knew it wasn’t good and her father wasn’t a good person. 

“You probably think I’m a wimp,” John stated. Martha gasped and looked her brother in the eyes. She saw the tears and the way he was shaking. 

“Never,” she breathed. 

“You will… they always do,” John responded quietly. The two sat on the bed for a few minutes. “I bet you want to know why I’m so messed up.” 

Martha shook her head. “You’re not messed up, Jack. And you told me what happened, remember?” It was John’s turn to shake his head. 

“No, that was with Charlie…” he muttered. “I’m talking about Dad.” Martha’s breath hitched. Maybe she wasn’t prepared for this, but she had to be. For her brother. 

“Only if you’re ready,” Martha replied steadily. She couldn’t have John shut her out just because she couldn’t stomach reality. 

The funeral was a week after Jemmy’s death. Martha was dressed up in all black, but she still managed to look so beautiful. Even Charlie had come back from college. He didn’t dare speak to John. No, no one would speak to John. Everyone thought it was his fault. No one cared for his feelings. No one asked why he had a cast on his arm and bruised ribs. 

John wasn’t even allowed to go to the funeral. He wanted to, but his father made up a lie saying how his second son thought he was too good to mourn for his dead brother, for his victim. John was only 15… 

Martha knew that wasn’t true. She was there. Only being 13, she was still very smart. So the morning of the funeral, right before everyone was going to the wake, she confronted John. He was about to go off in his room, hiding himself. She grabbed his arm and he flinched for the first time. Because his other arm was in a cast and he fucking scared of his father. 

“Jack, can I talk to you?” she asked hesitantly yet curiously, trying to act innocent. She noticed the wave of anxiety wash over her brother, and she felt so guilty for making him stay. But he did. Because he loved Martha. 

“Of course, Marty,” he said with a slight smile. He sat down slowly despite the pain on the stairs they were standing on and waited until Martha sat beside him. “What’s up?” Martha bit back the urge to just yell at John, asking him why the hell he wasn’t going to Jemmy’s funeral. But she couldn’t. It wasn’t ladylike. 

“Why the fuck aren’t you going to Jemmy’s funeral?” Then again, Martha Laurens was not ladylake. At the sudden outburst John sort of jumped and looked around the house, seeing if his father was inside. When he realized he wasn’t he let out a small cry of relief and then hid his face in his hands. Martha was silent. God, she’d broken her big brother. She didn’t know what to do, she wasn’t good with this sort of stuff. She was already on edge with Jemmy dying, now her brother was broken? 

“I-I’m sorry, that came out really subtle and rude,” Martha apologized quietly. She watched as her brother’s face emerged from his hands, his eyes red and puffy. He was crying. “Sorry,” she muttered again. 

John cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, which didn’t hide the fact he had been tearing up. “No, I’m sorry…” he corrected quietly. Martha looked at him with wide eyes. “It’s my fault.” 

“Wh-No! It’s not your fault, Jack, you know that,” Martha exclaimed loudly. “Why aren’t you coming then? Are you scared that people will think it’s your fault? Because it’s not!” John flinched again.

“But it is!” John roared. He was fuming now. “Father told everyone it was my fucking fault! He said that I had too much dignity to attend my ‘victim’s’ funeral! Victim! He’s making me out as some sort of killer!” 

Martha was silent. She wasn’t going to cry. She was going to kill her dad though. “No, that can’t be right.”

John shuddered. “But it is… it shouldn’t be, but it is…” Martha went over to lean on her brother’s leg. 

“But we know the truth,” she said. “Charlie does.” Then John flinched again. He fucking flinched. “Jack?” 

He couldn’t look her in the eye. Charlie was the worst. The first thing Charlie did when he saw John was shove him against the wall and call him a “fucking faggot,” his own brother. John went quiet. Then spoke. “Charlie’s the worst of it all,” he finally decided. Martha tensed but said nothing. 

“Mom knows. She has to,” she said. It wasn’t a question. John shrugged. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t really spoken to her… shitty son I guess,” he said. That’s when Martha shot up and grabbed her brother’s face like a little puppy or baby. She looked him straight in the eye. 

“Jack,” she snapped. “You are many things. You are an annoying brother, you’re a goofball, you’re a klutz, you’re my favorite person in the world, but you are  _ not _ a shitty son or a shitty person. Don’t tell yourself that, ever.” John could only nod his head with tears in his eyes. Martha was the only one who made him seem cared other than his mom. Then he remembered what happened the day after the accident. His face darkened. 

“Why would you lie to the police, Marty? Why?” Martha blanked. John couldn’t have been this dumb, of course he knew why, right? 

“I did it because, if they found out that Dad had hurt you, they would’ve taken you away, us away. Mom can’t take care of us. I did it to save us,” Martha tried to make her brother understand. But John just sighed. 

“He’ll hurt us more,” he said quietly. Martha wasn’t even sure if she heard him correctly. 

“He won’t,” she insisted. She wasn’t even taking her brother’s feelings into her decision. John shrugged and motioned to his wrist. 

“I had friends who had parents who’d hurt them,” he admitted. “They’re all dead” Martha felt some tears prickle her eyes. She hugged tighter. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “It was one time. But I will make sure he’ll never hurt you.” John knew the promise would fall flat, but a part of him wanted to believe it. So he nodded and hugged back. Then...

“Martha!” a strict voice called and both the siblings tensed. Henry Laurens. Martha wanted to give her father a piece of her mind, and John could tell. She grabbed her before and went and begged her not to mention any of this. 

“Jack,” she muttered, “I can’t let him treat you like shit because of a mistake you made.” John shook his head. 

“Please.” 

Martha shook her head sadly but promised. Then she disappeared. John sat on the stairs for a few moments before deciding to head up. He was going to when he felt someone yank his arm back. He nearly fell backwards on the stairs. Someone caught him by the neck and shoved him on the ground. His worst cried out in pain and his head was ringing. John groggily looked around and saw his fucking father with raging eyes. 

“What do you want?” John spat out. His father didn’t speak. He just kicked his bruised ribs once more and spat on his son’s face. Then he left. John could barely feel anything. He was dizzy and his chest was aching. He quickly wiped the spit off his cheek and struggled to stand. He nearly blacked out from the pain. He eventually was able to make it up the stairs. He could’ve turned left to his room, but he went right. To his mom. He stumbled through the doorway and saw his mom lighten as his presence. 

“Jacky,” she smiled. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” John only cried at his mother’s response. He felt like a little kid again getting a paper cut and needing his kind mom to put a band-aid on it. 

“No, Mom,” he called out. “I’m not okay…” Then he collapsed on the bed beside his mother and started crying. Sobs erupting from his throat and his whole body shaking. His ribs were aching but he didn’t care. He just focused on his mother rubbing his back and whispering soothing things into his ear. 

“You’re alright,” she cooed. “Whatever happened I’m sure you can push through.” John cried louder at that and shook his head. 

“I’m so sorry Mom,” he sniffed. “I’m sorry, ‘m so sorry… I killed Jemmy…” Then his mother froze and stopped rubbing his back. John managed to stop crying for a few seconds to look at his mother. 

“Who’s Jemmy, Jack?” she asked quietly. John looked at her, wide eyes. Tears streaming down his cheeks, wetting his freckles. Then he burst into tears once more, more ugly sobs coming from places no one knew. John’s frame shook and he managed to answer his mother’s question. 

“No one, Mom… No one.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya enjoyed! Please leave comments if you liked something or if something didn't make sense. Maybe even some suggestions to add to the story or a whole new fic!


	15. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not updating! I had a humongous writing block, and I'm working through that. I have updated on my recent story What If, recently, so if you need anything else to read you can check that out or any of my other writings! :D 
> 
> This chapter is I believe two months ago from where the story is set. The month that Henry Laurens dies.

“Give me a ciggy,” John said, reaching his hand out to Burr without keeping his eyes off of Martha Mannings who had just entered the cafe they were facing. His friend rolled his eyes and looked at Lafayette who was just amused. 

“First of all,” Burr said. “Keep calling them that and someone’s going to beat you up.” Lafayette snorted. “Second, you quit like two months ago.” 

John finally took his eyes off the girl and lazily glanced at Burr. “I’m pretty sure it was three.” Burr rolled his eyes playfully and gently punched Lafayette, who retaliated by swearing in French or something and punching Burr back. 

“What do you want?” Laf sulked, checking his phone for the fifth time since they’d sad down on the benches across the cafe. 

Burr nodded towards the cafe. “John has a crush on Martha Mannings,” he said, as if it was some big discovery. “I didn’t realize you were into girls like her.” His freckled friend scoffed and took a last drink of his plastic water bottle before throwing it into the trash can that was a few feet away. He then celebrated when it made it in. 

“She’s from a nice family,” he said casually, although he was trying to drop some hints. His friends oblivious from his hinting ignored his comment. 

“Oui, heard her family is loaded,” Lafayette commented, almost being insensitive. Burr nodded and motioned to John. 

“You two would make a great couple, the greatest power couple of the rich kids,” he agreed. John scowled and stood up from his seat, shooting his friends a sharp glare before walking across the street, entering the coffee shop. 

Lafayette shared a look with Burr, who mentally slapped himself. “Shit, he was trying to tell us something, wasn’t he?” Laf nodded slightly. 

“It had something to do with his father… God, we are oblivious at times. Merde. Je suis parfois un si mauvais ami **(Shit. Sometimes I am such a bad friend)**.” Burr ignored his other friend having a crisis over friendship and quickly crossed the road after John, at least, he tried to. He had to stop when someone recognized him from the school and asked him questions for something. Fuck. 

Meanwhile John was casually hanging in line behind one Martha Mannings. He’d never really talked to her before. They only recognized each other because of their parents. He remembered the conversation his father had with himself… the words still burning into his head. 

_Prove you’re not a faggot by marrying that Mannings girl._

_I’d rather have a girl like her than a boy like you._

_Charlie’s going to be coming back from college soon to help with your mother. At least he’s trying. He’s not going to be the cause of her death._

_You know if she was even half conscious, she’d hate you as much as I hate you._

_Should’ve sent you off to camp long ago._

_Only a fag like you deserve to di-_

“John Laurens?” John looked up and realized the line had moved forward and Martha was smiling gently at him. “That’s you, right?” She seemed so happy, care free. Her parents weren’t strict. Not at all. 

John nodded awkwardly and fake coughed into his arm. “Yeah, that’s me,” he said with a forced smile. He suddenly didn’t feel up to asking Martha to go on a date with him. 

Martha shifted on her feet and leaned close to John, who got even more uncomfortable. She seemed a bit more tense but still happy. “I know what you’re doing,” she said quietly, although everyone could easily hear her. “My mother spoke to me about it. I’m not exactly thrilled,” she admitted. John laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck. 

“Me neither…” 

“And you being cute makes it easier,” she finished. John blushed and ducked down. “But as much as I would like to date you… I’m not playing for that team.” John perked up, then cooled himself. 

“Oh, really?” he said, trying to make himself sound accepting. “I guess that’s bad luck on our parents.” Martha nodded and they stood silent for a couple of seconds. 

“You do seem nice,” she said finally. “On any other term, I would date you.” John nodded, then thought about it. 

“You being straight or our parents not trying to force our marriage?” he asked, the last part a bit bitter. Martha caught it and looked at John strangely, who was purposely avoiding eye contact. 

Martha wanted to forget it and order her drink, but the line was still pretty long and she might as well know who her parents wanted her dating. “I don’t know how your story goes,” she approached slowly. “But my dad didn’t care much for my mother’s ideas. He just wants me to be happy… so does my mom,” she added quickly. “But, I guess she wants to be more controlling of my life. I do appreciate it, but I’m in college. Some kids don’t have parents who are loaded who are constantly looking down at their kids for mistakes.” Martha looked up to John to see if he had acknowledged her and opened her heart out, but he was still stone faced, avoiding to look at her. 

The young girl decided to step out of line, looking at John expectantly who was a bit confused. Martha smirked a little and gently grabbed John’s arm, and pulled him out with her. Then she guided him out of the shop. They walked on the sidewalk a little before they went into a big alley. 

John seemed to have snapped out of his daze and looked around. “You going to mug me or something?” he joked, yet his eyes didn’t meet his voice. Martha only shook her head and leaned against one of the buildings that was making the alley. 

“Johnny,” she started, then hesitated. “I’m going to call your Johnny, I have a friend named John and it’ll just be weird.” When she didn’t get a response she continued. “I know I said this before, about how my mother is more strict than my father. I’m not complaining. I don’t have much to complain for. But I just… I want to know what type of parents Henry and Eleanor Laurens are like, if they have the same idea as my parents.” John made a weird noise when she mentioned his parents and she looked at him. 

“Nothing,” he said quickly, then looked down. He walked over next to Martha and leaned against the building too. John opened his mouth, then stopped himself. “I… I’m going to call you Mars, my sister’s name is Martha… to answer your previous question, it’s just my father who arranged this, a bit like your family.” 

“Does your mom not care as much?” 

John snapped up to look at her and his eyes darkened. “She cares the most,” he said. Martha looked taken aback and inched away from him, then looked up at the sky. 

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she commented lightly. John shook his head slightly and looked a bit embarrassed. 

“I know… sorry. It’s just, some people think my mom isn’t caring enough, like she doesn’t do enough as a parent,” John admitted. “It’s not true. Just because she’s not on the news doesn’t mean she’s not important.” 

Martha nodded and looked back at John. “I haven’t heard much of your mother actually. Her not being on the news would explain it though. You don’t have to tell me anything.” 

“She’s sick,” John said quietly. “They don’t know how much longer she has. But she’s passed all the other dates they’ve given her. Anything could happen.” Martha opened her mouth to apologize but John cut her off. “I’m sick of people trying to be apologetic. I appreciate it, I do, it shows you care… but I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t know how to respond to… feelings…” Martha went quiet, as they could hear people chattering as they passed the alley and the cars zooming past. 

“I hear what happened a couple years ago,” Martha said, knowing she was treading thin ice. John normally would’ve immediately put up his walls, but there was no point. Martha was already so close to breaking him. “I think it’s fucked up, first of all. Second, it’s not something to be ashamed of.” John nearly laughed sarcastically but held his tongue. 

“Of course it’s not. You should know that,” John said. “It’s just, not true.” Martha didn’t want to ask what part wasn’t true, she didn’t know how close she was from falling in the cold water. 

“How’d your father take it?” 

John exhaled sharply and nearly flinched from the question. “How would you expect your homophobic father discovering that his sophomore kid…” John cut himself off. “How much do you know?” John was aware that some people didn’t know of the assault, but others did. Martha thought for a moment before motioning with her hands, everything. “Right, your parents. Where was I? Right. Well, my republican father didn’t take it well… it was the same year Jemmy died.” 

Martha looked up. She’d heard of what happened to the youngest Laurens. She knew how Henry Laurens blamed John. She knew it wasn’t his fault. But she also knew there was something behind that. “You don’t need to tell me everything…” John responded by laughing bitterly. 

“Our parents wanted us to elope,” he stated. “My father wouldn’t have set me up with someone like you if he didn’t trust you. Although I’m not sure what he expects me to tell you… I should stop beating around the bush. But… you can’t tell anyone.” 

“Never,” Martha promised. 

“When Jemmy died… my father… he started…” John choked on his words and stopped talking. He felt the tears brimming his eyes and his cheeks flushed. Suddenly his heart felt like it had stopped beating, that or it was beating way too fast. John felt himself fall to the ground, feeling the cold cement beneath his hands, which were anxiously touching the ground as if it was the only thing that could save him. 

John couldn't’ breath. He couldn’t breath. He was going to die. His father being the cause. He still felt the cold ground beneath him, but something else was there… a hand? A soft hand was gripping his right hand, rubbing his palm in a comforting manner. He still couldn’t focus, and his vision was foggy, but he could feel his heart go back to normal. His throat loosened and his vision was cleared. But he wasn’t in the alley anymore. He saw his father, spitting horrid words at him, threatening him. Threatening his sister.

_She’s going to die one day and it’s going to be your fault._

John couldn’t tell if his father was speaking of his sister or mother. 

_Fags like you curse this world with toxic waste and death. Suicide was invented for people like you._

John blinked and felt the tears fall on his red cheeks. Then he saw his mother dead. Her body was lifeless, cold. But she was still alive, and she was speaking to him. 

_If you weren’t a faggot. I would still be alive._

Suddenly someone was dragging John away from his dead mother and abusive father. When John blinked again he was in the alley, breathing heavily against the building, Martha Mannings hugging him tightly, whispering kind words in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Martha Mannings is a sweet girl, but who is also misjudged like Laurens. I'll probably have her pop up in some future chapters when they're in the present. I'm not sure what I'll have the next chapter be. Probably be continuing off from this one. 
> 
> So, if anyone's confused on how the time is set through this, what I did was mention John and his drug issue that was mentioned earlier. His friends claimed that he stopped a couple months ago, which I'm going to have be five from the present. Meaning that if in this chapter John quit three months ago, then the present is in two months... math, I think. 
> 
> Also! I do not support any of the homophobic beliefs that are shown in the story. I completely support everyone. :P
> 
> (i did have john use the term ciggy because yes, i enjoy that term very much as well)


	16. Please Read <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've encountered writers who have done the exact same thing that I'm going to be doing through the Archive, and I always didn't understand how they could do it. Now I understand. I thought I would announce this on my first fic, and hopefully get my message through.
> 
> As you've probably noticed, I haven't updated in any of my stories in a while. A long time, actually. No, it's not because I'm in a writing block or that something is wrong. I've simply edged out of the Lams Fandom area in which I have the motivation to write a story about it. 
> 
> Some questions that may be asked are: Will I ever come back to my unfinished fics? Eventually, yes, I want to be able to come back to my work and complete them when I'm a better writer. Will I write any other fics from other fandoms? I want to, I do. But I don't have any fandoms that I'm in right now that really give me motivation to write about like Hamilton did. Feel free to suggest some, I have plenty of time to indulge in a new fandom this summer.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every one of you that have read my stories and enjoyed them. Hopefully we shall meet again through my future fics. 
> 
> If you are in the lookings for some good fics, I bookmark lots of stories in which I have enjoyed. Hopefully you'll find something in there that you can as well.


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